It really doesnt matter how long I've known you. All that matters is that I know you.

As the time for me to say Goodbye comes closer, I realize how much I am going to miss the new entrant in my life, whom I start sort of missing by the end of the day and can't put myself to bed unless I've spoken to her a bit। (read: a few couple of hours।) Pri has been a terrific addition to my list of loved-ones and this is a small attempt to document these last few weeks of craziness.

Pri, the quintessential mad chic. The bullet laughter. The thumping sound when you climb up the stairs. The 'Main huun, darwaaza kholo' routine every night in that sing-song tone. The endless conversations. The endless nights when we slept because it was 6 am and so we must sleep. The countless cigarettes we smoked. The mad men making moves at us at 1 AM and the important lesson we learnt that night - only to forget it in less than 48 hours. The love you showered when I was all delirious with fever. The sharing secrets and reading old emails of lost love. The ecstasy after your GMAT. The drunkenness and recording of videos. Telling each other that the ex-bfs were too bad so they'd better be gone. The fondness for over-sized t-shirts and friend's boyfriend's denim jacket. The discussions over books. The open-minded conversations which could have been heated debates with almost anyone else. That silence which pierces through and the love that screams without words. The Miss Messy who goes on a cleaning spree every once in a week. The girl trying miserably to hide emotions. The slant terrace, the coffees, the daal-chawals and the smokes.

One thing I've learnt from you is that not everything needs to be put into words and that one look is enough to soothe a hurt. You've been an awesome roomie, an awesomer smoke-buddy, an even awesomer madness mound and the awesomest friend in such a short period of time.

Know that no matter where I go, I am here to stay in your life. Thank you for everything Pri.

Saki sharaab peene de masjid mein baith kar ya fir koi aisi jagah bata jahaan khuda nahi!

3 girls went drinking - Sex Kitten (Amu), Foxy (me) and Mango Dolly (Nidhi.) Savita Bhabhi (Pri) was busy working.

Nidhi ab Khulla Saandh hai..rather khulli gaay hai.

We want some more alcohol. Drunkennes is cool when you just broke up or when you just got a new job. Or even when yu got fired.

Closing track for the day - Kitthe chali hai Gobi Da fool banke kudiye badami rangiye!

We shall try to arrange some more alcohol and entertain you some more.

Joe Felix is the man! Kambakht ishq. Waise toh D is also the man.

Itta likh....utta likh....Muthalikh. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...

South mein free fund mein 'H' milte hain...'Muthalikh, kavit'h'a, savit'h'a, d'h'al, khamb'h'a, kutt'h'e....ethe, uthe, kithe!

We have a cosmic conn bee.

We also have some Ginn for doing some shots.

Paapi saraab pi saitaan ke dil mein baith kar, waha khuda nahi! (waha extreme sports bar hai!)

Buzzzzzz again!

So! Life's been a little weird... I have too much to do and I have a lot of time but I am not getting anything done. I think its because the things I have to do, do not excite me much.

I went to some lovely waterfalls a few hundred kms away from this town and I had a nice time. But it did not stay with me. I went to some national park and felt like I was in a zoo. Vacations stay with me but this one did not. With every passing day I can see the difference between what I want and what I am working towards. But I have decided not to think too much because I ponder way more than necessary and that is not doing me any good. I need to -

Focus on 1 thing at a time. I must stop looking at my To-Do list every 5 mins.

Give myself deadlines and adhere to them. How?

Prioritize. Yes. I am walking on razor's edge already!

Stop getting the 'I want to run away' feeling. I can't run away from myself after all, can I?

Make time for vacation with the girls. I miss them too much for my own good. :(

Get rid of writer's block.

Well that summarizes my life not-so-beautifully. I write some posts just for reference. So that I can read them after 10 years and..and do what? Ok I decided am not going to think much. So peace with the documentation.

I owe this blog more love than I am giving right now. I promise I will write something better, more hearty in the next few weeks. Ciao!!

(I've been thinking of the 'wow' factor. Something that differentiates someone/something from the rest. Ever wondered what your wow factor is? Leave a line if you figured something out!)

I bend but I do not break.

I am copy-pasting an email I received. That's me and tonnes of my 20-something friends' lives in a nutshell. Tell me if you relate to it. :)

Being Twenty-Something.


They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going

along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things

about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start

feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but

then get scared because you barely know where you are now.



You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those

friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the

greatest people you have ever met. And the people you have lost touch

with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is

that they are realizing that too- and aren't really cold, catty, mean

or insincere- but that they are as confused as you.



You look at your job- and it is not even close to what you thought

you would be doing. Or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing

that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.



Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and

find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize

that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly

adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't.


One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and

cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared

and confused.



Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past

with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and

further away. And there is nothing to do but stay where you are or

move forward.



You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do

such damage to you. Or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet

anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you

love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you

are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person.

One-night-stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting

wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.



You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk

with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to

make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a

life for yourself. And while winning the race would be great, right

now you'd just like to be a contender!



What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it.

We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as

we can to figure this whole thing out.



Send this to your twenty-something friends- maybe it will help

someone feel like they aren't alone in their state of confusion... "I

bend but I do not break."

End of a chapter.

I have taken pride in saying I am a healthy mix of a South Indian and a North Indian. No I am not a mixed breed child but I am a South Indian by descent and a North Indian at heart, cuz that's where I grew up. I have the best of both worlds, is what I'd always say to people. That's thanks to my dad moving to central India 30 years ago. I stayed in all parts of the country - east, west, north, south - but home was always the Hindi land.

Today my parents are moving out of North of India and moving down south, closer to their brothers and sisters. Yes, me and my sister now have a world of our own and my parents are growing old. They feel the need to be closer to our blood ties. My heart aches at the thought of not being able to go back to those towns which I called home in the last 24 years.

They say you never really leave a place or person you love, part of them you take with you , leaving a part of yourself behind.

I'd love to write a few beautiful lines about all those small and big towns where I grew up but I think I am just too overwhelmed to be able to write. All I'd say is I will miss the hospitality, the easy-go attitude, all that amazing food, the colors in the fields and in the local markets. I will miss talking in Hindi like it were my mother tongue and I will miss the local festivals. I will miss the LML Scooters and I will miss the biting cold winters and scorching summers.

I will miss home.

Best friends are forever

You and me have taken joy in people's surprise by saying we've known each other for 20 years. Yes, 20 years is a bloody long time. In these 20 years, we've lived next door through all of childhood, tolerated each other  through weird stages of life like teenage and smoothly transitioned into adulthood as best friends. (Custom made best friends, as you like to put it.)

 

You called my mom once to ask her how to make Rasna and you've called me up a zillion times to ask gazillion questions - all while being next door neighbors, just a shout away. We had different best friends and different lives, unlike in movies. But you were always the constant of my life. I always took your presence for granted until one fine day when you had disappeared. And when you came back after that short act of disappearance, I just knew you are not the kinda friend one should let go of. 

 

I shout at you for silly reasons, knowing at the back of my mind that you aren't gonna go away. We fight and patch up on status messages, which I think is so cool. It saves us the embarrassment of confrontation. Hehehe. You shout on public forums about how my 'single' status surprises/irritates you. And then you cannot tolerate the thought of me dating someone. ( I can already hear what you will tell me on reading this!) You can listen to me ranting about things/people for hours and days. Just while I am convinced you are concerned, you will crack the silliest joke and make me feel like an idiot. You give me pep talk that can never go wrong.

 

And we told the entire world that we've promised to stay in the same time zone. You are on the verge of breaking that promise in the next few days. I covered up for your mistakes when we were kids. Looks like I have to do the same again, by traveling all the way and staying there till the time you are there. I never realized how far is very far, until the day you got your visa. You've said to me a dozen times already that you will be there, as always, but trust me other side of the world is a scary thing.

 

I know I have to remind you a million times to read this post and I also know you won't leave a comment because blogs are not your thing. But Sunny Boy, know that you've been my sunshine on all rainy days and my pillar when bad relationships and bad career moves were tearing me apart. You are the one person who hasn't made me feel insecure about what we are to each other, despite your steady relationships with half of the female population in town.

 

This post is a toast to us and our special bond. Much as I cringe at the thought of not seeing you for the next few years, I feel happy that you are chasing your dream in a way that leaves me beaming with pride. I know you will not find someone like me ever, but promise me that you won't substitute me with the next best thing. (The fact that you are going to the same town where your other best friend is, already makes me insecure!) Remember that I will still twist your arm when you goof up and will bore you to death over chat. :)

 

Best of luck.

 

Checklists.

She lived her life in check-lists. Check lists that had things completely controlled by destiny and check lists that money could tick. The check lists rarely left any space for impulses. In fact that's probably why she relied so much on them - to control her impulses.

Destiny had checked an item on one of her lists - of finding a well-paying job and a beautiful one bedroom apartment well within her budget. It was now time to make that call which had been on her list for the last 2 years. She had known him for 3 years and liked him from day 1. She mustered the courage to tell him that - twice. And both the times he hugged her and apologized for not feeling the same way. They moved on in life being good friends. Not those extremely close ones, but bankable friends when they wanted to talk in riddles.

She picked up the phone and he answered in less than 3 rings.

Her: "Hey! wassup?"

Him: "Girl! U tell me... how's the house hunting goin on?"

Her: "I finally found the kinda house I wanted. Not great, not bad. You remember the promise right?"

Him: "Sorry?"

Her: "I'm booking your flight tickets for Friday evening. You will help me set this house up right?"

Him: "Of course! I know you suck at all this. And girl, whats with you booking tickets? I can do that little bit to see you after what seems forever!"

Her: "I book or you book - I want to see you tomorrow before dinner time. Is that a deal?"

Him: "I am already looking for tix on MakeMyTrip. You hang up now. Will tell you the timings later."

She hung up, smiling to herself. So what if they weren't a couple. She wanted things in her house to echo his voice and presence. Unconditional love is what it is - she thought. She made a few more check-lists of what they'd go out buying.

She received him at the airport the next day at 7:30 PM. As they took the cab towards her unfurnished, barely liveable aparment, she gave him a small gift wrapped packet.

Him: "What's this?"

Her: "A gift. "

Him: "Offo! I know. But what's in it?"

Her: "Open no, idiot! It's a small bible. I wanted to give you something you believe in. I always carry a Hanuman Chalisa in my bag and it helps me all the time. Thought I'd draw a parallel and give you a Bible. It's a lovely book anyway. "

Him: "You know, you have your unique ways."

And he throws a bright smile towards her and they share a long gaze. She knows how it means nothing to him. But she enjoys the gaze anyway.

They reach her apartment and all he can say is - "Let's go get dinner." They go to a not-so-fancy restaurant to eat and catch a drink. She likes talking to him 2 drinks down - not very guarded but knowing what she is saying. They discuss books, movies, pubs, latest vacations and personal lives. Personal lives of course in riddles. They never spoke about it directly. They had no idea about who the other person was dating or any of those. They liked that comfort of being able to say just enough to get an opinion but not have their life opened like a tabloid.

They got home and with no TV to give them company, crashed on the floor with folded woolen wear for pillows. Alarm was set for 7:00 am so that they could finish breakfast and head out to buy stuff. They woke up a little before the alarm buzzed, had some coffee out of her little electric kettle, took a shower and headed.

They were out all day buying things from her checklist - 2 single beds, mattresses, pillows, curtains, a study table, 2 chairs, a long stool, clothes line, cook-ware, utensils, wine glasses, wall clock, side lamps, ash-tray, a small fridge. Everything to be delivered after 7 PM at the house. They grabbed a sandwich for breakfast and struggled through the day buying things. He was there to help her buy things that went well with the rest of the house and made the house definer her. She had no sense of aesthetics and he was as fine as an artist can get - just the right sizes, shapes and colors of everything.

They got home at a little before 7, tired as hell but excited to have all the hundred things delivered. Pizza was ordered at 9 and the house was starting to look a little like home by 11. At 11 her feet gave up and they decided to crash on the new mattresses of which even the plastic covers had not been removed.

Somewhere in the middle of the night she heard something being dragged in the room. Too tired to even open her eyes, she assumed he was making his way to the kitchen or the loo. After some time had passed, she could feel a light hand on her. She woke up with a startle and saw him lying next to her. He had dragged his mattress all the way to where she was. She smiled to herself and could see him smile in the darkness illuminated by a faint street light. They lay there for 10 minutes, not saying a thing and enjoying being so close to each other. He finally lifted his head and came close to her.

Her: "I want to tell you something. "

Him: "Anything. Say it."

Her: "A few months ago, I was in a similar situation with a guy I really liked. I gave in that night only to have him say the next morning that it was a mistake. I can never get that thing out of my head. You know how I've felt for you in the last 3 years, but I want you to go back to bed right now. Think over it. If you think it is a mistake, then good that is averted. But if you are convinced this is right, then I won't stop you tomorrow."

Him: "You know I've had the most respect for you among all the women I've known. I will wait for a day or a month - whatever you want me to wait for. "

He then pecked her on her forehead, said goodnight and they both slept.

The next morning was not what one would predict it to be. They did not have any ice between them. They were fully in terms with what had happened the previous night. And it was this comfort that made their relationship so special. They spent time until lunch sorting out the stuff and changing arrangements a zillion times to make the house look better.

They paused for lunch at about 2. The thing from last night had been playing on her mind all day - after all he had been in her thoughts despite the many men that came by and went in the 3 years. And as if he had read her mind, he said:

"I've been thinking about last night."

Her: "Me too. "

Him: "And I am so glad you said what you did. On second thoughts, it might have been a mistake putting us both and our friendship in a sticky situation."

He then walked up to her, gave her a tight hug and smiled his deadliest smile - the one that nabbed her 3 years ago. She smiled back and let out a long sigh. Before she knew it was evening and her house looked like a dream - with lovely faint orange lamps and beautiful curtains, it seemed like the coziest place in the world to be at. And before she knew it was time for him to take a flight back.

She dropped him at the airport and thanked him for the lovely time. She got home and took out her long checklists. She found the one labeled 'HOME' and checked the last box - Have D set up the house for me.

She took out another checklist labeled 'PERSONAL' and checked the 2nd box on it - Put your foot down. She kept looking at the last box in the list which said - Start afresh.

She couldn't help but wonder how all the men in her life had been so painfully predictable. She looked at her beautiful house and savoured it.

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Author's note: Inspired by many fellow bloggers who've been churning out stories. Please suggest a better title. I know it is painfully long, but I can't help but be elaborate! :D

11 things that make me smile :)

I know I know Ive been churning out one sad post after the other. That is so not me! People've been wondering where is the real happy jumpy super enthu me. I am right here! I wear this sadness mask every now and then for the heck of change you see, but alas, I can't play sadness for too long. So here I am with a list of things that make me very very happy. I also realized thats a good exercise to pause and to say thank you to life for what and how it is - beautiful. :)

1. Happy dreams about a good score

2. Seeing mom's pictures where her nose is all swollen up in the cold cold breeze!

3. Thinking about dad's exam fear at age 55. :D

4. Bitching about one best friend to another and then emailing the chat to the one bitched! Pleasures of life I tell you!

5. Knowing that mom dad are there. Right there.

6. Seeing sister all hassled after I have messed up the house. And hear her pseudo-angry rants.

7. Hearing my best friend scream my name with equal enthusiasm on calls each time we talk.

8. Day dreaming about my studio apartment that I will decorate my style.

9. The faith that people have in me after steady strings of failure.

10. When I meet someone who believes that the yummiest sandwiches in the world are made out of the potato remains from the previous night's aloo parathas.

11. Knowing that my best friend will ensure I am not leched at or touched by random men in overcrowded pubs because she will stick to me and hold me all through the night.

I know that was a random list but I think that's where the beauty lies. :)

Who will fix this mess?

Encore. Life on rewind-repeat. Once bitten, twice shy.

They are all for me.

Something that happened last year around the same time, is happening again. That incident changed me forever. I look back and think I wish I could still be as carefree, I wish I did not doubt everyone who sends me an email after a long break and I wish I did not twitch at sms-es from familiar strangers.

I wish I could trust as easily and talk without inhibitions.

A year is a long time. A long time to change a person - for better or for worse, only time will tell. But what I already know is that the me a year ago was a better person than the me I now am - a cynical bitch.

I don't say 'sink or swim, I am diving in' to myself anymore. I am just too scared to hit the bottom again. And some people are blissfully unaware of the damage that I am left to repair.

Who will fix this mess? Or at least help me believe that it is not so bad after all.

Or is it?

Lost now and lost forever.

PP asked me to write something, anything - as a reply to my last post. And considering she is one of my favorite people in blogosphere, an obedient friend, a nice and clean soul, a listener when I need to talk, shares my crazy dreams and above all laughs on my silly jokes - I would honor her request. This post is from my diary. Just a copy-paste from MS OneNote to Blogger. I wrote it in January on my way to Delhi from Bhopal to attend a friend's wedding.

I'm travelling alone after what seems like eternity. An A/C Chair car - a 7 hour journey in a 5-star coach. Feels like my 12 hour flight to London. What mixed feelings they were... Excited for the destination but the journey was spent creating boring PPTs in a claustrophobic BA flight...sigh!

I have a window seat and as I sat I sighed a loud sigh of relief... the kinds they show in movies - a distressed corporate woman finally on her 3 day annual vacation. I looked out of the huge windows as the train moved out of Bhopal into beautiful yellow mustard fields. After 5 mins I realized I was drifting into not so pleasant thoughts of my recent past. I told myself - "Remember what your boss told you today? You've earned this holiday. So stop thinking of stupid things and enjoy this. Can't you see it is so pretty?"

As always I started drawing analogies. The fields outside were so beautiful but they were beautiful from a distance. Just seeing those farmers toil in the hot sun (which added to the beauty of the fields) was so distressing. I then thought there are so many bittersweet things in life which are like that - we wanna be there, have that. For example be rich with all the money which comes with all the hours, days and years of hard work or being in love which we all want to but only know how difficult it is once we are in it.

But that's the deal - Does it keep us happy in the long run to be shut in the suffocating comfort of a 2X3 Airconditioned coach and look out of the window like we were jailed or do we want to toil it and make those beautiful yellow fields ourselves....?

And I jerked back to reality when I was offered some piping hot coffee. I went to the loo and experienced that dreadful sucction/vaccuum flush again. There is nothing I hate as much as the noise they make. That's a big reason why I hate long distance flights. Those sounds.. damn!

I came back to my seat and decided to sleep for that's the only way to rejuvenate after 3 professionally and personally difficult months.

And sleep cheated me this time.

...and I am back (for a little while though!)

I know I know Ive been off for too long! I've been busy vacationing, pampering little kids and getting pampered by elders. What a good life, aah!

I don't have too much to write except that I went to Kerala on vacation and was in awe of the place! The greenery is just mind blowing. I also realized, for the Nth time, that I am a city girl - out and out. Each time I am visiting an exotic location my head and heart tell me I can live there in peace and solitude forever but in exactly 3 days I start missing the bustling traffic and lousy malls where there is either too much or nothing to buy! :D

I also went to our Holy place, Tirupati - after 23 years and I think the God must have been some dude to have such crazy fan following! We had a VIP entry to the place so it took us only 45 mins to get to the Sanctum Sanctorum but for people who had come there for 'Sarva Darshan' had to stand in that claustrophobic queue for 10 hours just to catch a glimpse of the God. I can tell you that some training in Bombay locals will help you stand there for anywhere between 2 to 5 seconds to get a view of the idol, otherwise you will come out after suffering blows and pushes from all directions - and feeling abysmally low cause you couldn't see/feel/experience any divinity.

As predicted, my extended family has been casting doubts about my ambitions - and have been asking me to be more realistic. But my parents are by me for whatever I do, so that is all that matters! My brother's younger boy is ADORABLE! He is the naughtiest thing I have ever seen but he is just tooo cute!

India lost the match last night... sigh! RP Singh and Rohit Sharma can find someone else for themselves. I don't love them anymore. :|

I realized that the friends I used to speak 3 times a day to, I now only speak to them once in 3 weeks - no prizes for guessing, they are all married. Hmph! But I really couldn't care less. (Damn, did I just lie?)

I am job hunting and hoping I find one before my rapidly depleting bank account touches the big zero.

I have 2 weeks to go for a make-or-break exam and I have been royally chillin' for the last 2 weeks which means I'll be seen less often on blogosphere. I must now get back to books and must spend my spare time looking for work :|

So am off for now and I will keep reading blogs and commenting, though I dont think I will write much myself. See u later peeps!

A note to my brother

They say you were my mom's body guard when she was pregnant with me. You were the first one to hold me - even before my mother or my father. You thought I looked like a monkey with all the hair on my head. You thought all baby's were born bald. You wanted to take me out to your friends the very day I was born and you cried for 10 days since they won't let you take me anywhere. 

You taught me how to toss candy in the air and make it land right into my mouth - a skill I am still so proud of. You made me sit on the bar in your cycle and I swear bhai, that hurt. But I never complained, you know why? Because I loved you more than anyone else in the world - probably more than my own sister. 

You went to Pilani and wrote to me every week. I wanted to grow up so fast and catch up with you. You told me when you had your first crush - I look back and think 12 years is quite an age gap to be confiding in a little cousin sister. You said you loved that girl and wanted to be with her. I loved her even before I knew her name - just because you loved her. 

You got married and I bought so many clothes for your wedding because I wanted to see you smile each time I looked pretty. But I caught you smiling, looking at me when you thought I was fast asleep. I wasn't big enough to know what that meant, but I now know you wanted a daughter like me and you couldn't help it but feel happy to have me. 

You were the success story the entire family spoke of - the prodigal child with photographic memory and an undeterred will to ace in whatever he did. And you loudly conveyed your wish to see me take over your place and get all the worldly success. I was a blind follower. You loved me so much. I wanted to do only that which you thought was right. I wanted to prove to you that I was good at whatever I did, that I would stand up to your expectations.

Well the word expectations is so heavy I did not know. I was growing up in my own world - learning something new about myself every single day. But somewhere wrongly assuming that you would stand by me in whatever I did. You hated the boys I liked. And I couldnt convince myself that I liked the wrong boys. You hated the courses I pursued. And I couldnt convince myself that I made wrong career choices. 

Today you are 36 with 2 sons and without a daughter like me. Today you are a success story that the world swears by. Today I love you just as much as I did when I was a day old. But today you think of me as a directionless adult. 3 days later when I will receive you at the airport, I know you will give me a not-so-warm hug and you will fire questions at me - and I will be at loss of words trying to explain why I want to do what I want to do. 

I hope someday, when you grow older, you will appreciate your little sister's will to do what she wanted to, and smile seeing her smiling face. She will smile not because she prove a point, but because her brother loves her for what she is and not for what she has. I hope you will tell your sons to follow their heart, even if it means they want to become florists and mechanics. 

And I hope someday you also, will follow your heart.

Dark Art Studio

May 28, 2009, Thursday.

Utopia: "You'll call them up and take an appointment?"

Me: "Ok cool. I am SO excited!"

Utopia: "Sorry I am making you do all the dirty work..."

Me: "Shut up. It's ok. I'll see you on Saturday."

Saturday June 30, 2009. 

10:00 AM

Utopia: "I got an appointment for 2:30. I will see you at Hard Rock Cafe at 1. We'll go from there."

Me: "Ok cool, one last time at HRC. I'll see you there."

1:00 PM over SMS

Me: I've reached. I am sitting outside. 

Utopia: I am stuck in traffic...so sorry.

Me: It's ok. come.

1:20 PM 

Utopia: "Hieee!"

Me: "Hiee!!!!"

Utopia: "We'll quickly catch a smoke and go."

Me: "No!! I haven't eaten a thing since morning. We'll eat."

Utopia: "Oh! look who's hungry, ok we'll eat and go."

An order for a veg sandwich (for me) and Chicken Pita Pockets (for her) was placed. We finished less than half of our servings and decided we could eat no more. It was time to go hunting for some Plot No. 34/11, Fraser Town. 

After 10 mins of non-sensical giggling about tying scarves like dacoits and behaving 100 pc puneri and after pretending to be hot chics wearing hot sun glasses and drooling over a nice looking boy in a Yamaha bike, we realized we have no idea where we are headed to. 

We were clueless about the place so was the auto driver. After having looked for Polytechnique college instead of a Polyclinic and after walking down the same street a couple of times (with some ATM mishaps en route) we figured out the place and reached a house with a small studio tucked somewhere in the corner. There were people smoking ciggs, drawing immaculate pictures of devils turning angels and intestines popping out of mouths and similar complex things. We had reached Dark Art Tattoo studio. 

We waited there burning time (quite literally) ridiculing a crazy woman who wanted to look hip n full of life with her sidey clothes and sidi-er tattoos. Some SMSes were exchanged bitching about her and praising the 'guy in a white tee' (since we couldn't talk loud.) We even thought we could talk in Bengali (her) and Oriya (me) since the 2 languages are so similar. We followed not a word of what the other person said. haha!

We spoke to people waiting to get tattoos done and we spoke to people doing them. We got bored. It was close to 4 o clock. We took out our iPods - I started with Kelly Clarkson's Addicted and she started with Plain White Ts Hey there Delilah. We moved on to RHCP and Matchbox 20 and 3 doors down. And I realized I had to save whatever little charge was left in the iPod for my long ride to the airport later in the evening. Now we started listening to her iPod with one ear fone each. And we heard 'ain't no sunshine.' 

Utopia: "I am my own sunshine."

Me: "hmm... good. I am glad."

Me: "you know what will my tattoo be?"

Utopia: "Get the Harvard logo done" 

Me and Utopia: "hahahaha" for about 5 mins.

Me: "No. I will get a post-it size note pinned up with a message on it - I want to own all the books in the world." Like this: 

Me: "I was dying when she was clearing blackheads off me in the parlor. I will get myself a tattoo it seems. huh."

And we giggle again.

And then the skinny, drug addict looking boy came to draw the outline on Utopia - for she was the one getting the tattoo. (I will leave the description for her to write on her blog.) Yayy! It was finally her turn to get etched in ink - for the second time! 

A skinny, 'I'll-be-dead-in-3mins' looking girl started to work the driller on her and the ease with which Utopia sat there talking and smiling was awesome. In the middle of it, I got a call saying the flight is to land at 6 45 and not 7 45 - which meant I had to run. We exchanged quick hugs, knowing we will not see each other again for the next few months or maybe even years - who knows. 

I took an auto and I could not believe I have met this girl exactly 4 times and that she knows me like I know myself. I could not believe my heart will skip a beat even thinking about having her gone and not having her weave dreams for me. 

Utopia, I just hope it is the end for a new beginning. This tattoo date was one of the most memorable days of my life for more reasons than one. As you board the train to a far off land today, I know that we will meet again - probably with some dreams from the many we have, having come true. I hope we will giggle just as much and I hope we will have some more castles to build in the air. 

"and if our hands meet in another dream we'll build another tower in the sky."

What do you think about love? Important and Irrational or Not-so-important and rational?

I am most definitely not the right person to talk about love in the truest sense of it, the kinds they talk about in books -  considering I've always been in 'walk-in-walk-out' relationships (romantically) and I value my platonic relationships wee bit too much to be able to write about them.

 

But given the fact that most of the world lives in a practical world of love where one's choice of lover is based on a complex matrix of compatibility, or in more crude terms - convenience. Career and family compatibility, value-system compatibility, status compatibility, tolerance-compatibility, sense of settlement compatibility and a whole bunch of such factors. I very well understand (and respect the fact)  that these factors vary in importance for different people but the crux remains the same - it  is the long term compatibility based on ones limits and limitations.

 

I am a staunch believer of this matrix. Only because I have one life and I want to spend it living completely rather than loving mindlessly. As long as I can peacefully co-exist with certain constants like respect and space, I think the love et al falls into place. I've never heard of real Romeo-Juliet /Laila-Majnu/Heer-Ranjha couples. Honestly,  the real-life couples with most dramatic and awww(e)-inspiring stories are based on the (not-so-simple) compatibility/comfort level matrix! So why bother much?

 

Anyway why did I go explaining this? Because each time I read a book that describes love in a very heroic way, it leaves me bewildered. When passages talk about love with such passion, I am left wondering what it must be like to be in such love. (Disclaimer: I don't want to be in such destructive love where lovers can kill or die or go mad or disown or forget-it-all. I am happy feeling jitters and butterflies every now and then choosing to walk in if it is nice and walk out if it was too much hassle for the 2 of us!)

 

I've always written down those passages (among other beautiful passages) from books into my little red-colored spiral note-book --- to use it as a text for reference. I've been an utter failure in understanding/imbibing those feelings but I have taken the pain to type them out and put them up in my new blog, here. 

That is because they sound amazing and make for some literary delight. Some of these stories are brave, some docile, some plain-romantic, some meaningless - but they are just beautiful pieces of text. In fact some of them are close to real feelings too! (I am not a die-hard romantic but girl-enough to feel special things!)

 

If any of you can relate to the passages out there, do leave a comment! Hope you enjoy reading them as much as I did!

 

(Clearly, my own answer to the question in the title is - important and rational)

 

Buzzzz....

Ladakh calling - in July. Yes Myulee, we will go. My family has a thing against me being adventurous. Irrespective of the fact that they've been there done that and have always come out of adventures, being happy and fine! Never mind, I've done far too many things in life because I wanted to do them, not getting deterred by their 'we'll save you from everything forever.' Ladakh is just drop in the ocean.

 

Cousins coming over. Preparing myself for the quintessential family debate - with me on one side trying to explain I will do what I want to do as and when I want to do it - and with family on the other side trying to convince me that life is a battle against time - and so I should make the most of today. (And the topic will eventually shift to - 'make the most' in whose terms? Theirs or mine? And I will be told I am faffing around to compensate for the lack of focus and direction in life.) Damn, even the thought tires me out. Wonder how I will go through the drill. Sigh!

 

Twinnie will be missed. My vent when deepest fears are turning ugly, my motivation machine when I need to hear - "Girl, I am telling you - when this plastic bubble breaks - you are gonna have it all. It is just a matter of time before you had the dream college and that one person who loves you for who you are." And I will miss the instant second line - "Look at everyone man! They are all set! And you and me will be forever sitting at Hard Rock café sipping sweet lime and smoking cigarettes." hahah. Yes girl, I will miss you.

 

And what is already missed is someone with wolf-like capacity to read, clarity of thoughts (or maybe the lack of it) and certain special moments. But happiness is transitionary and has to be cherished for its worth - not to be looked back at bring the sulking out. So I am at peace with what I had and what I don't have. 

IPL 2009

We are 3 people who live in this house. And when the 3 people are cricket fanatics supporting 3 different teams in a breathtaking tournament, the tension is inevitable.

 

After 6 straight victories, little did Mr. Brother-in-law know that supporting Bangalore Royal Challengers would only break his heart. Pseudo-fan that Ms Sister is, she was quite clear she wanted her ever favorite Sehwag's team to be picking up the trophy, but alas. And me, I had the gumption to support the worst team last year - Deccan Chargers. 'GO CHARGERS!!!' has been my mantra in the last 60 odd days.

 

I wonder if it was mockery or support, but Mr bro-in-law bought me a Deccan Chargers Pin-up badge that I would wear for every single match. Today was special. With sister's team having to bite the dust in the semis, it was a battle of nerves for me and Mr Bro-in-law. And how my team emerged from the ashes to be a proud, jubilant team - is just history.

 

Considering how I fall for things like intellect and talent, there was no doubt I was developing a soft corner for a few players in my team. Little did I know that this soft corner will turn into almost obsessive  love for both of them. I write this post, feeling terrible - because my heart is resting with 2 people instead of 1 - and my conscience is battling with me. I have decided that whoever plays a better game in T20 World Cup, gets a definitive place. Until then, I have to live with the guilt of loving Rohit Sharma and RP Singh in scarily equal measures.

 

As I sleep tonight with the badge pinned very close to my heart, I will think of Andrew Symonds - THE man, Adam Gilchrist - THE leader, Rohit Sharma - whose presence on the field gave me goose bumps and last (and sure as hell not the least)  RP Singh - whose calm yet broad and clear smiles are probably the most potent thing in the world. 

Of a book and a crazy nook - the new blog.

So the new blog is here! This is by far the most meaningful thing I have done, at least on webspace and I hope people take a lot of interest in it. 

Again, as mentioned in my last post, if you read something interesting and think people at large can benefit from it, please send it across to me (via email/comments anything) and I shall post it on the blog. 

I hope you enjoy reading this new blog it just as much as I enjoy writing it! 

“The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read.” - Mark Twain.

I read a lot. At least I try to. There are times when I read for 19hrs a day and there are times when I read only 19 pages a day. But I read something everyday. I always believe that if a book has something for you to learn from it, you will pick up that book at the right time and read it. If you havent read a particular book yet, it is because it has something for you to learn at a latter date. Some people say I think so because I relate whatever I am reading to, with my current situation and pick something from it. Either way, I see reading as a cathartic process. 

And when I read, if there is something that touches me somewhere, irrespective of whether I understand the author's intention completely or not, I write it down in a diary that I have for the last many years. I quote the author, note down the name of the book and the page number. My diary now has some timeless jewels. I've always held that diary very closely to myself and have gone back and re-read the pages, to see if I understand the same thing better or even for that matter, differently. I always thought I will give that diary to someone deserving - whoever it be - a stranger, my grandchildren, my mother - whoever. 

I read something nice today and when I took the book out to write it down I felt like a miser trying to treasure what I have. But is knowledge to be treasured in books or is to be precipitated for a higher goal? Most definitely the latter. And so I though what better than a new blog which has only that. Just precious words quote unquote. It might give some people some much needed inspiration, it might make people pick up a book they have been procrastinating to read or even introduce people to something new. People can leave comments on their interpretation of the words, express agreement/disagreement or plainly find a beautiful expression for what's been there on their mind. 

Let me know what you think of this. Meanwhile I will look for a nice template, a good title for the blog and choose my first passage. (GMAT can wait! ) 

Breakin' the habit.

We went to Mysore yesterday. With my uncle, aunt, and 2 little cousins. We visited a few temples en route and I experienced a divine moment. We reached this really old temple at about 1:15 in the afternoon just while they were shutting the door. It was a typical huge wooden door that take 5 people to push it to shut. We ran and just made our way in. It was almost as if God wanted us to visit and so we made it. The moment has stayed with me - running the last 20 meters to make it inside. It was so figurative and metaphorical of my present state of mind and life. I can relate the shutting door and running me to so many things. 

There was also something else I learnt yesterday. Enjoying whatever is there is so important. I have grown up to be a typical 20 something who has very rigid ways of enjoyment and vacation. At other times, I would only enjoy a vacation when 

a. it was not too tightly scheduled. 

b. It did not include kids. 

c. It was to an exotic location (mountains, water body, forests, calm and quiet etc.) 

d. I had my iPod and my music to go with it. 

e. I had my bandana to make sure my hair was not all over my face. 

And a whole lot of other things. 

Yesterday was none of those. There were 2 kids with us - 1 a cranky 10 yr old and another exceptionally quiet teenager with her typical teenage whims (I wont walk, I wont eat this, wont do this, that etc.) I did not have my bandana and I could not plug my iPod since it would have been rude. We were subjected to Udit Narayan's telugu songs and when we insisted on Hindi music we had to listen to tracks of 'Partner' on repeat. But I still enjoyed myself. I was happy chit chatting with my aunt about random family members, letting my hair go haywire with the wind and the ocassional rain that made things worse in a cramped up car. I did not mind untying my shoe laces a zillion times at different temples. And I did not mind eating some stupid food for lunch. 

I did not crib at Mysore palace considering I HATE crowded places (minus pubs) with a vengeance. I did not mind not being able to buy mineral water due to lack of availability. We also went to Vrindavan Gardens (the most screwed up tourist destination ever. My uncle went and gave a piece of his mind to the authorities there for the sheer mismanagement and for the lack of anything interesting to see!) and I can safely say I lived through the terrible experience with grace and was in fact able to control my teenage cousin from losing it out there. 

As we got home it was well past mid night and I was not irritated to open the lock to the house by myself (I don't like coming home to an empty house.) I wanted to wear some shorts or such other meagre clothes but then again I could not. (Yeah, some jazz about refraining from such clothes when there are elders at home.) And guess what! I did not mind wearing a round neck tee which was almost strangulating me! I had to sleep on the floor since all the beds were occupied. My body was hurting with the long hours of travel. But I still slept peacefully. I was still not irritated! 

 I don't like waking up surrounded by people (1 or 2 - fine. Not 8.) When I woke up this morning I saw 4 pairs of feet around me. 4 people were trying to find something in a bag. Typical me would be shooing people away since I want to be left alone and since I would not want to wake up with such random sounds. But I was ok. I quietly went (and luckily the bathroom was not occupied so I could brush my teeth.) and freshened up. 

Finally I am alone in my room (rest of the clan has again ventured somewhere out) and I am feeling contented since I finally managed breaking out of the rigid mould of what an ideal vacation, an ideal good night's sleep and an ideal morning should be like. 

After all what is ideal? 

I need an answer.

Was it in fact a good idea at all that we chased the Brits out of our country? 

Think about it and tell me. 

Writer's block

The title makes me look like a self proclaimed writer, but I am guessing bloggers can go this far and call themselves writers too! Or maybe typists. haha

I've been meaning to write for such a long time but I dont have much to write except for a few updates here and there... so this is more like my buzzzz posts but not half as interesting I am sure. Anyway here goes it - 

1. My folks (who I stay with out here) have gone to Goa and considering they are the people who love me the most in this world (of course after my parents) I am sure they will get me some cool stuff! I am totally looking forward to opening packet after packet of gifts! 

2. I have changed my brand of smokes (damn I hope there is no one in my family who reads this blog. Like seriously!) Anyway I've moved to Marlboro Ultra Lights and I see it as a step towards healthier lungs :P 

3. I've been going to the gym regularly. I want to lose 4kgs before August i.e my cousin's wedding. 

4. Oh wedding reminds me there was this girl (we are distant relatives. Her and my sister were very close at one point in time) who was very keen on me tying the knot with her geek brother.He is finally getting married to someone else. Phew! Techie from DCE and an MBA from LBS, they thought was reason enough for me to wanna get hitched. But no! I am destined for a whole lot of messy relationships right? So I will hang on for a while. Hmph! 

5. I am in the city that has both my ex and prospectives and neither of them know I am here. I go into the city with a constant fear of bumping into them. Sucks. 

6. It was my budds birthday yesterday and I surprised her and all that. She seemed quite excited. So was I. I love her. :) 

7. I am damn bored, I am dying to write about the voter turn out being so low and the mishaps some of my people had to face with missing names, the IPL and other stuff in general. But I am so damn bored! 

OK I'll buzz off before I rub on the boredom peeps! 

Jab We Met...!

And we finally met. Me and Utopia. Her blog and mine are different in their own stead but there is something that always clicks with some people. And it clicked with us. As fate would have it, I have landed up at the same place as her and so there was no doubt that we would meet. I thought it would be like a blind date but it wasn't. She seemed like a long lost friend with whom I was just catching up after a very very long time. We have parallel lives. We are as cool, stupid, fucked up, sensitive, emotional (or otherwise) and full of vices as the other. We spoke non stop for about an hour and half at a lovely place.

 

I won't give out anything of what we spoke, for obvious reasons - the stuff's personal. But all I will say is, she is indeed my twin (though she is way prettier!) in thought and action. Talking about meeting people, I have to fit this in! I met by bestest friend (referred to as NB and Budds in this blog) last week and we spent 5 straight hours together. I din't know I had missed her so much! Also another awesome friend of mine is gonna be back to India next week and I am meeting him too.  He is one of my few 'no-nonsense'  I-love-spending-time-with'  'endless-and-meaningful-conversations' ' drinking-buddy' and 'such-an-amazing-person' friends that I have.

 

All for swearing that I wont socialize in my 'secret location!' ! Huh.

 

Anyway other updates from me!

 

I got tanned at home, in my sleep. :| it was a cloudy afternoon with pleasant breeze so I opened the huge french windows by my bed and dozed off with a book. Only to wake up with the hot scorching sun burning me and me sweating like I was running a marathon! :(

 

I am gonna spend the month of May reading Karl Marx. I have always been intrigued by him but never read extensively to have an opinion. (Provided I finish the books by Marquez, Steinbeck, Manto, Kunzru and Fyodor that are lying on my table begging for attention!)

 

OK there were a million things I thought of this morning that I wanted to write about but they seem to have evaporated. I will buzz out with this much and will hopefully be back soon.

 

Oh just btw, welcome back PP! 

CBFC Indian Rating U/A - make sure you are 16+ or are reading this under Parental Guidance.

I made use of my 2nd most fundamental right (the 1st being the right to cast my vote) after 2 full months. The right to visit the salon. Yes. As a female citizen of a free democratic country, I see going to the salon and getting some excess hair removed and getting a massage every now and then as a fundamental right (and also a duty towards fellow citizens of both sexes :P )

I strongly believe in posting stories that are for 'family reading/viewing' and are not meant for audiences that are 18+ of age. But this one experience has forced me to break the rule and post a U/A rated post.

I went to the salon today to get a 'facial clean-up.' (That's different from a facial, for all the male species reading this.) To my utter amusement and surprise, I had a male staff member to give me the 'service.' I have gotten hair cuts and pedicures by male staff at these unisex salons but never a facial service which requires you to change into their rather skimpy and ill-fitting robes. (and so sort of makes it embarrassing to lie down on a single bed with the A/C blowing you off.) Never mind, I agreed to do the ritual, get out of my t-shirt and into the robe. The guy comes in and I am surprised. I have no clue why would such a cute/hot guy work in a salon and not model for Yamaha. Or Gillette.

So he says nothing but (the ritual is all this small talk between your salon assistant and you which almost leaves the 2 of you as best of friends at the end of those 2 hours of waxing, threading, clean-up and pedicure.) "Please lie down." It was strange and sexy in a very hollywood-ish manner. His hands started working up my neck to my chin and back to my neck and this time till my cheeks and then back to my neck and to my nose and then back to my neck and to my forehead - in slow, soft and circular motions. It was as if he was testing me and my patience by not touching my temples and eyes - which are the most relaxing parts when you get a facial massage. And when he finally reached my temples and eyes - something shot through me and sent a shiver through my spine.

He then went across to the other end of the room and this time I did not trust him to come back and do the routine but instead leave me wondering if I want to say a yes or a no. But no, he went across to the other end to fetch a big white clean towel. He says "Ma'am, you are shivering." Damnit, with those fingers and the darn A/C you think I was capable of doing anything better but shiver? Never mind, I threw a smile at him with my closed eyes. I was acting like a sly cat stealthily sipping milk hoping nobody is watching!

Now was the time to remove black heads (an utterly painful process where they squeeze your life out through your nose.) and I was dreading this. (I always do - with or without the guy!) He could see the strain on my facial muscles and said "Relax, it won't hurt much." And he took charge of my nose in a way that came across as the manliest thing ever. He did the due and said - "Here, you are done!" and the sound seemed to come from almost my nose! Hang on, it was this sly guy, so close to my nose, telling me it was all done. And I held my breath and said "thank you." when I could think of a million other variants to the acknowledgement 'thank you.'

He then put a pack on my face. By now you are supposed to be so relaxed that your face just starts glowing out of the relaxation and not exactly because of all the zillion pastes they apply on you. But today, I was more strained than I had been during my Std 10 Boards! I had clenched my fist so tight all through the last 30 - 40 mins that my nails had poked into my palm. He then said "I'll be back in 15" and he left. The way I slept after that was as if I was active on that single bed with some other activity and not a facial. I was tired of all the strong musk and the fingers working across those few inches.

I woke up when I felt those fingers, again, on my neck, cleaning the dried up face pack with a wet sponge. I was praying to God that the process ended before I could self-accuse myself of mentally molesting a poor salon assistant. I am not sure if it did. Because when I saw my face in the mirror after he left, I was sure as hell glowing ten times better than one would with an afterglow.

We're only human.

I am suffering from writer's block. So publishing an old draft. I do not believe in such long posts, but since it is there, you might as well read it. :) 

She was full of life, boisterous, well above average to look at and lived in Bombay. She loved dancing, laughed like she is on dope and danced at the slightest chance she could get. She finished college and started working. She had tonnes of friends and a loving family. 

And then there was a boy. Her brother's friend. A small town boy, blessed with a very very sharp mind, extremely ambitious and had graduated from the country's elitest educational institute. She met the boy often since he had rented out the apartment that her family owned. And he was her brother's best friend. And he fell for all the things in para 1. He begged of her to marry him, she was 2 yrs older than him. She did not feel romantically attracted to him, but she dint feel that way for anyone at that point in time. So she chose the known devil instead of the one an arranged marriage would get her.

And they tied the knot. They, just ike most newly weded couples, seemed like the happiest people in the world. They shifted base to Dubai - the land of Gold - black and yellow. They minted money but missed family. And so decided it was time for him to pursue higher eductation. Not to forget the girl was doing better than the boy at work and had managed saving a lot more. 

They came back to India and he joined the country's elitest Management Institute in an uptown place in South India. She was pregnant with their first son. She lived in an apartment close to his sister's place. And he lived on campus. She was funding his higher education. 

He made new friends who took precedence over everyone and everything in his life.  There was also a girl in the new friend circle. Life's like that - a wife finds her husband's dearest chic friend as not the best thing in the world. But this girl knew she was not so petty and that she will not hate this new girl. Friends are just friends after all and she knew she had the supreme position in his life. 

But the friendship became more than just that - ot so it seemed from the many emails that Mrs. Wife bumped into. She fell sick - asthma attacks leading to steroid shots, a baby to take care of and a rocking marriage. This took 5 years of her life - straight. Sleeplessness, sickness and the baby. 

Husband and wife moved back to Bombay and so did the new girl. She even landed up a job for herself in the same organization as the boy's to add to the wife's misery.

And when she finally decided that she'd better be getting herself a new job - to keep her mind away from what's been happening and in the worst case scenario - if they were to split, she would have the means to raise her child single handedly. 

But she had sent her husband for an MBA, she was just a post-graduate and had touched number 30 as her age. Jobs weren't easy to come in Bombay. So she compromised. She started letting go of things. She shut her eyes to the obvious. She was done with arguing with her husband about what the long phone calls, emails and gifts meant. She was done with listening to the same answer - "It's nothing! She is just a friend for God's sake!" 

And the friend is now reluctantly getting married. With wife at the hosptial out of yet another ailment, the husband still decides to travel 500 miles to her wedding. Priorities. 

The wife knew her husband loved her and not the friend. But it was difficult to see it. His actions were not indicating it. May be she was thinking wishfully. She was risking it all again - she was pregnant with her second baby. And she knew with 2 children and no job, there was no looking back for her in life. She had to make peace with herself. And with her husband's friend. She knew she was jealous and reading too much between the lines. But she couldn't help it. She was but human. 

* This is a true story. The friend' marriage, they say, has not consummated. The wife is busy putting a smiling facade and taking care of 2 lovely boys. The husband, now a father, beams with pride each time he sees his sons and seems to thank his wife each time he looks at her - for being such a stoic through 8 years. 

BRB

P.S: Inspired by J 

Bhopal Chronicles

So here we are at the end of another chapter. I came here 8 months ago, with a lot of apprehensions in mind. I hadn't lived with family since I was 15 years old, so I was a lil scared. though I was glad that I'd be by myself  without a social circle harassing me and demanding my time and attention.

 

Little did I know that I'd miss my friends and the otherwise annoying acquaintances so badly. This did not mean I had enough time to read and pursue hobbies. I spent most of my time loitering with momma and going mad at these local markets where you get the most exquisite of stuff. If I were to rate my stay on a scale of ten, it would be a 7.5 (Poona - 9/10    Hyd 6/10. Other places do not need a mention.)

 

Here are some snippets from my stay -

 

Shopping - This place has no Shoppers' Stop for your air-conditioned shopping pleasure. But those lanes at Chowk Bazaar, Peer Gate. Lakherpura and New Market can rob you of your family fortune and leave you asking for more. The stuff here is dirt cheap if compared with bigger towns. Handicrafts,  footwear, garments, tapestry, home décor - you name it and you get it (in such variety that the inability to buy them all is frustrating!)

 

Food - There is this lil place called Swad Bhandar where you get the yummiest samosas and mirchi bajjis and jalebis and gulab jamuns in the world! A sumptuous brunch-ish breakfast for 4 will cost you 50 bucks. Yes fifty INR. The chaat, pani-puri, local flavors of soup, alllll the bhajiyas and makke di rotis and chhola bhatura and puri bhaaji and juice and lassi… oh God! Oh I don’t mean it is road-side food all the way! The palaces turned into hotels - Jehan Numa, Noor-Us-Subah, Imperial Sabre - they are kickass too! Just by the way, I am a vegetarian and they say I haven't lived in Bhopal if I havent tasted the nawabi kebabs. So you can imagine.

 

Friends - One and only Sebin. I bumped into him somewhere like we were destined to meet and he was my thread to sanity. Not a single soul I had here to socialize with. We've done not many crazy things if I were to compare with my Poona/Hyd etc days but my memories with him are some of the fondest. Oh him being a bassist in a local rock band also came handy. He kept me up-to-date with all the developments in the world of rock!

 

Studies - well the idea was to chillax and take GMAT. It turned out to be a bad idea. Let's not talk about it anymore.

 

Work - Worked at a start-up and got doomed financially. Learnt the most key-skills of my professional life in that period though. Also learnt that working with a bunch of smartass people at Google is bloody different  than working (read: much more challenging) with a bunch of demotivated, disinterested, passionless people!

 

Blog - I started blogging about 3 years ago and did not write more than 5 posts in a year. Then I created a new blog - this one that you are reading - when I came to Bhopal. And I managed about 135 posts in 7 months. Not bad huh? And I made some new acquaintances over blogosphere and came really close to some people whom I had known earlier. This blog was my lone source of time pass and venting out when I felt my Mom could not take anymore of my nonsense.

 

Now that I am moving on, I know not much will change in my blog - it will be the usual ranting about friends, family, myself, politics etc. But this is a nice time to thank each one of you who have frequented my blog, posted nice comments and welcomed by thoughts.

 

I am moving to a secret location - taking a 24 hour train ride (yipee! I love'em!) and landing in a new world to make a new start - for no particular reason. Just because I feel like it. So this is my last post until say 8th or 9th of this month.
 

So I will see you people soon! Keep those comments flowing. :) 

Disclaimer - Very personal-diary-ish post. Don't read if you are in the mood for some entertainment.

Chalo, I might as well write about it. 

I dont cry. I hate crying and people who cry overtly. Unfortunately I am sourrounded by these super emotional people who cry at the flick of a finger. 

I am also quite curt when I am pissed off. I do not pass false statements or make false allegations and am as fair as one can be in a sticky situation. BUT, if I am irritated I will state facts in a way that can pierce through people. Ask my best friends. 

And I did that today. With guess who? Daddy. I said something which is true but I put it in a very painful manner. Luckily, Dad wasn't there and Mom heard it. Mom is one of the super emotional people I was talking of earlier. A tear rolled down her cheek and damnit. I lost it. I knew I said something very mean. And then there was no stopping me. I cried. I cried through out the evening. I think all the emotions I held in the last 15 months came out like Niagara falls. 

Mom was shocked. This was the first time she'd seen me crying. I cried and I cried. And I slept. I woke up and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked like such a disaster. My eyes had become so small and puffy and I really looked damn weird. In fact 6 hours past and I still don't look like myself. Damnit I have some super pretty chic friends who cry on a daily basis. They'd look stunning if they stopped crying I think. 

I am off for dinner with parents. My faith is reaffirmed that as long as my parents are here, I don't need to worry about a damn thing. Even if I were paralytic and cent percent immobile, I can still live with the 'jinu-smile' intact. And I will definitely sail through this patch of monetary instability. Courtesy parents and of course Sony. 

That was such a 'personal-diary-ish' post. 

But dearest friends, I mean cars, alas! must part.

Sigh… yet another goodbye. No, no one's getting married this time. The Maruti Zen which has given us girls, undeniably, the best times of our life is being sold off.

 

'Us girls' refers to the gang of 6 crazy girls 5 of whom have been together since Std 11 and a new entry in Second Yr college. We had 3 scooties among the 5 of us until 2nd year of college. In those 4 years we have traversed the length and breadth of Poona in a way that no one else would have in their lifetime. We have jumped signals for kicks (come on! We were young girls, we are excused silly behavior!) and lied to cops and cried at the police station for hours (trying to look as natural as we could in the midst of giggle fits.) when those lil bikes were towed away.

 

Our first time out together was in 11th Std - pizzas, wine and trying smokes for the first time in of those lanes at Koregaon Park - Some of us were nervous, some were drunk and some were trying to figure out how a cigarette is lit. But all of us were enjoying. That evening made one of us a smoker, one of us a drunkard (well almost) and 2 of us found a strange connection with each other with food being the path.

 

We continued eating and drinking and loving each other. And then one of us bought a car - a Maruti Zen. And there was a new girl with curls like no one else. And she had a connection with us - of drinking and eating.  That was the turning point. The scooties would only take us to a common destination from where we would load ourselves into the car. And the eating and drinking increased manifold since the sun, rain and nigh time could not harm us much now and since there was a new person to join us. The love was showered on the Zen too. The Zen has seen 3 of us bitch about the other 3 (many times in different permutations). It has seen 5 of us laugh like the world's ending and one of us crying like there's no tomorrow. It has cooperated in every single insane prank played by the owner. It has taken us to college, to the court, to the university, to clubs, pubs, restaurants, movie halls, NDA, Khadakwasla, Lonavla, railway station, bus stops  where not.

 

It has been 5 years since the Zen has lugged us every damn where. And seen us becoming more than just eating/drinking friends. It has seen us become professionals, exchanging business cards. It has seen us become each other's lifelines. Today we are an integral part of each other despite the different professions we are in and the different geographic locations we live in. And the Zen knows it. It knows what we mean to each other and what it means to us.

 

The Zen is making its last sacrifice in a few days - It will sell itself off for making the down payment for a new Fully automatic Honda City with Racing features. I hope the Honda City will love us as much. We'll try to love it too. But we never know.

* The pictures of the Zen will be up soon. As of now, please manage with a pic of us. This was the last time we went to Lonavla in the Zen...

But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads?

Guess what?! I watched TV today... like not news, but other entertainment channels. (Indian politics and other news items are also entertaining, not denying it.) These are my observations from the minute I switched on the TV - 

1. TATA Sky is awesome. I mean digital TV is better than cable TV. We've had digital TV for the last many years (since it was launched in India) but I think today was when I actually watched TV with like loads of attention. It makes the 'surfing' and the viewing experience so much better. 

2. There is no dance show like Boogie Woogie. It's been there since I was in school, like 4th Std or something. Off late there have been shows like Nach Baliye, Jhalak Dikhlaja, Dance India Dance and what not. They are these melodramatic shows with little or no real talent. But boy the talent Boogie Woogie contestants have, it is crazy. I watched it today again and the way Javed, Naved conduct the show is plain, simple and nice. 

3. It is bloody IPL time!!! Are my esteemed readers aware that I am this crazy cricket fanatic!? Yes I can even watch test matches, 5 days at a row with not necessarily India featuring in it. And I feel SO damn guilty that I still don't know the IPL team composition. :( My Sunday schedule is to figure out which team has which players and choose my team. (Since I am more of an Indian than a Punjabi, Hyderabadi or a Delhiite, I will choose my team totally bias-free)

Ok now beyond TV - 

I am damn happy today, for no particular reason. :))) Yes, I am all smiles! I have a few movies that I can watch tonight and some kickass books lined up for my reading pleasure. I am all set to pack my bags and to go awayyy! (I am not thinking of the other not-so-pleasant things which I have no control over.) 

Aren't ya'll happy for me? :) 

Sending loads and loads of hugs and kisses for allll of you who need it. :)

* Oh btw, I have put on weight. Not being sad (decided not to) but just letting you know. Will go for a run from Wednesday onwards. And will start gyming from April 10th. OK Tata ByeBye.

Buzzzzzzzz.....

I had to write. There is no other way out. There are just tooooo many thoughts out there.

 

1. 1. I don’t want to talk to anyone. Nor do I want to listen.  I will not answer phone calls, fine. But how do I tell my folks at home? They look forward to me coming home so that they can talk and hear me talk. Sigh! But I am so glad I am up here in my room for the next 8 hours.

 

2. 2. I can't wait to go away, now that I know I am going away. And it is upsetting to see mom so upset about it. She ain't saying it loud but drops these rather loud hints. Their insecurity is killing me. They feel I'll never be with them again. Eight damn years I stayed away and 8 months suddenly make them so miserable? They talk things like - "us oldies of the family should settle down in one place." Hell it makes me feel as if they are all gonna build themselves a freakin old age home!

 

I don’t know about uncles and aunts but my parents sure deserve better. And me and sister are more than clear about it. Mom still hasn’t lived her dream of wearing nice frocks with a hat and walking on the streets of London on a sunny day. How can she even TALK about that stupid old age home setting! Disgusts me.

 

3. 3. Everyone in my family (even distant relatives)  is killing himself/herself (and me in the process) over  my B-school. I wonder why they are obsessing so much. I wanted to do the damn MBA because I thought what they teach out there is fab if you went to the right place. Precisely why all the struggle to go to that damn Harvard. But now I've started feeling/behaving like a stubborn child who doesn't want to do something because everyone else is insisting.

 

Hell, why can't people tell me that I should do what I want to. Why do they start the sentence with -" I want you to…."  To hell with what you want!

 

4. 4. Good things that happen in a day help us live with the not-so-good things. Every stage of my life I have come across someone who is very much like me. Like really very much. And this person has just appeared from nowhere, clicked in one go and stayed forever or for really long in my life. It has happened again. Utopia she is. My blogger twin. Our wavelengths (read: embarrassing stories and weird minds) matched and we confided in each other quite a bit right on our 2nd chat. We haven't met yet and I already feel awesome about her. Welcome to my life,  girl. Hope you are here to stay! And yes, I'll see you in April.

 

       5.  My company is broke. Momentarily. And the auspicious moment happens to be the time I am also quitting! They owe me about a lakh of rupees. And I have no idea if they will clear my dues this 31st (my last day!) or not. As you all know I am being shipped to a secret location. But hell, the secret location is this expensive tier 1 city of India. Damn I need the freakin dough! 

Yes there's dad but come on! It is weird to just keep taking non-stop. He is not a very rich man. It is kinda strange but for the first time I am feeling crushed because of finances. I've seen more than enough financial crunches but never felt so disheartened and never have I been upset for days over it. May be it is the 6 figure that's making it difficult. God please, I need you to intervene.

 

Thanks guys, for putting up with this insipid post about my insipid life.

 I sound like such a cry baby. Shit.