Random updates

I dont have much to write... its just that I feel like writing :P

Its been an okay day and a nice evening. Nothing special about it except that I went for a drink with a gay friend. She gave me some perspective on things and I could tell her in so many words how the movie Milk made me feel a little queasy. And we spoke of life and relationships in general. There was no work talk and there was no talk of my MBA. Yayy!

I am wayyyy behind deadlines - wrt to both short term and long term goals. My salary will be late this month and I am broke. I have a body ache which kinda tells me I will fall sick. I hate certain aspects of my job and yet I am so much at peace with my life. I think thats called finding comfort in discomfort/beauty in breakdown or whatever. Ok why dramatize the whole thing, just because its my blog? I am in an i-care-a-damn attitude today and might wake up after 7 hours thinking I have a terrible life :P

I catch this power-nap in the bus and I like feeling all Bombay-ish. Busy and hassled. I think the small town girl wants to feel all city-like. hehehe. My phone is out of charge and I dont want to hunt for the charger in my bag. Will let the battery die and will give the Biz Dev team a bad time tomorrow. I love playing the bitch :P Anyway some people dont have a cell phone for a few days so I can't even SMS them. :|

I cried all over public forums today that I am homesick. The bodyache is getting terrible. I am sitting on an 'easy-chair' which seems quite difficult. I want to sleep for 6 months. I think it is the sickness making me type such random stuff.

Thank you for putting up with this crap. Gnite peeps!! :D

(Not) Just another day in my life...

Funny things happen to me all the time.

Last evening was particularly weird. I had a laughter bout with my colleagues for about 15 minutes and I was in the highest of spirits after a really long time. Just while I decided to pack up and leave with a few of them for a drink and a bite, I had a stupid argument with another colleague. Totally ticked off I decided to go gulp it and call it a night not before the clock struck 12.

Still to take an auto, I heard from a client and had some work piled on me at 8 in the evening. We decided to split at about 10 so we could all go home and work some more. (Agencies are a mean, ruthless place to work for. A post will probably follow soon! ) We went all over Bandra looking for an open bar only to hear from an auto driver that it was a dry-day!! We have dry-days in India exactly when half the town is desperate for a drink. :|

With no motivation to eat, I decided to head home. I have a rather long journey back home from work. Non-peak hours take me a little more than an hour to get home. I waited at the bus-stop for what seemed like eternity. After 25 minutes of standing, bored of the 8GB music on my iPod I couldn’t wait to sit in the bus and catch a quick nap so I could get to work as soon as I reached.

Just as I took a seat in the bus somebody sat next to me and asked 'coming back from work?' I was taken aback and realized it was a psycho. Some doped out idiot spoke to me incessantly until I reached my stop. I did not speak a single line but he was hilarious! He told me his name, age, profession (or the lack of it) marital status, hobbies, family and what not. He sang a song to me about strangers since I wasn't talking to him and how he thought I wasn't talking because my mom said - Do not talk to strangers! He told me how he thinks Bombay is such a lonely place and how he will soon go to Dehradun!

He soon sickened out since I wouldn't talk to him. He then spoke to the bus driver, gave him a shoulder massage and started singing songs with the radio that was playing in the background. All in all a harmless but idiotic co-passenger. I swear if I were not that pissed off, I would have spoken to him at length and have had a nice time :P

Anyhow, I got home only to hear some snide remarks from my brother about how I loaf around the place. How I wish that was true! Super-irritated I skipped dinner and crashed only to have a series of nightmares.

So glad it’s a new morning now!

Blah Blah Blah

There is this post I've been attempting to write since what seems like eternity. I edit it every single day and look for the right words - that never, just never come out. It's a good-bye post. It is to say goodbye to my lifeline for the last 8 years - as she takes off from India for good.

I can't ever express what she is to me and how Pune will never ever be the same for any of us 4. Though I will try and finish my draft post - it is unfair to write about her in the same post where I plan to rant about my life.

So ya 4 hrs of travel (standing, mind you) is not the thing I looked forward to in life. This 4 hour travel brings with it other restrictions like getting back by 10 in the night, zero social life and no time to spend the money I earn. The effort of traveling in locals is not worth the time and money I save. Stinking arm pits, women pushing/nudging/fighting, being thrown out of one train and into another etc is definitely not my thing.

Linking Rd looks beautiful since this is Diwali season.

I am eternally sleepy but I get not more than 5 - 6 hrs a day.

I need to buy a better phone which will let me type my posts etc on-the-go. Ive realized that moving buses with no place to stand tickle my blogger's streak.

The 'I-want-to-run-away' feeling is back. What sucks is I want some good (read: Psycho, mad) company to run away with. Sigh!

I hope I will have more and better stuff to write about soon. (I will, for the moment, skip bitching about a colleague I can't stand.)

Buzzzzzz again!

So! Life's been a little weird... I have too much to do and I have a lot of time but I am not getting anything done. I think its because the things I have to do, do not excite me much.

I went to some lovely waterfalls a few hundred kms away from this town and I had a nice time. But it did not stay with me. I went to some national park and felt like I was in a zoo. Vacations stay with me but this one did not. With every passing day I can see the difference between what I want and what I am working towards. But I have decided not to think too much because I ponder way more than necessary and that is not doing me any good. I need to -

Focus on 1 thing at a time. I must stop looking at my To-Do list every 5 mins.

Give myself deadlines and adhere to them. How?

Prioritize. Yes. I am walking on razor's edge already!

Stop getting the 'I want to run away' feeling. I can't run away from myself after all, can I?

Make time for vacation with the girls. I miss them too much for my own good. :(

Get rid of writer's block.

Well that summarizes my life not-so-beautifully. I write some posts just for reference. So that I can read them after 10 years and..and do what? Ok I decided am not going to think much. So peace with the documentation.

I owe this blog more love than I am giving right now. I promise I will write something better, more hearty in the next few weeks. Ciao!!

(I've been thinking of the 'wow' factor. Something that differentiates someone/something from the rest. Ever wondered what your wow factor is? Leave a line if you figured something out!)

Writer's block

The title makes me look like a self proclaimed writer, but I am guessing bloggers can go this far and call themselves writers too! Or maybe typists. haha

I've been meaning to write for such a long time but I dont have much to write except for a few updates here and there... so this is more like my buzzzz posts but not half as interesting I am sure. Anyway here goes it - 

1. My folks (who I stay with out here) have gone to Goa and considering they are the people who love me the most in this world (of course after my parents) I am sure they will get me some cool stuff! I am totally looking forward to opening packet after packet of gifts! 

2. I have changed my brand of smokes (damn I hope there is no one in my family who reads this blog. Like seriously!) Anyway I've moved to Marlboro Ultra Lights and I see it as a step towards healthier lungs :P 

3. I've been going to the gym regularly. I want to lose 4kgs before August i.e my cousin's wedding. 

4. Oh wedding reminds me there was this girl (we are distant relatives. Her and my sister were very close at one point in time) who was very keen on me tying the knot with her geek brother.He is finally getting married to someone else. Phew! Techie from DCE and an MBA from LBS, they thought was reason enough for me to wanna get hitched. But no! I am destined for a whole lot of messy relationships right? So I will hang on for a while. Hmph! 

5. I am in the city that has both my ex and prospectives and neither of them know I am here. I go into the city with a constant fear of bumping into them. Sucks. 

6. It was my budds birthday yesterday and I surprised her and all that. She seemed quite excited. So was I. I love her. :) 

7. I am damn bored, I am dying to write about the voter turn out being so low and the mishaps some of my people had to face with missing names, the IPL and other stuff in general. But I am so damn bored! 

OK I'll buzz off before I rub on the boredom peeps! 

From Floyd to Russell Peters - Arbit thoughts flying.

1. The time is gone, the song is over - Thought i'd something more to say. 

And yes, how can I eat any pudding if I don't (b)eat my meat?

Thank you Floyd - that was deep. 

2. It is difficult to say if what you are feeling is happiness or not. You sometimes know that everything around is supposed to make you happy but the happiness just refuses to come. 

3. Are all smiles happy smiles? Of course not!

4. Each time you say there is a problem, I somehow hope for the worst. I am sorry. I am such a sicko. 

5. I believe memories fade. Which is a great thing. 

6. For the first time I thought about what the poem twinkle twinkle little star means. I wonder how many kids really know that the poem is in fact a question and how many teachers actually tell them what those diamonds in the sky are. 

7. Piyu said - whenever you fall, pick up something. I fell and I picked up nothing. Or maybe it's stuck in my sleeve and I'll see it when I get home. 

8. I am wondering if that thing which I am feeling (which is neither happiness nor sadness) is regret? But my principles have no place for regret. Do they?

9. Sony should have been a stand-up comedian. I wonder what she is doing as a teacher. Comedy only, I think. 

10. PP, Sankranti laddus are over now. Write something new. 

11. I have to find a new word for 'Random.' I was gonna have a tag called 'random' for posts like these. I hate to see such an all encompassing, beautiful word go out of my life. :|

I think I'll use 'Whatever.'

12. "And suddenly 3 gay men came on the screen. I mean they 'appeared' on the screen" 

I heard Russel Peters today until I had tears in my eyes! :D

Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

1. I went through some terrible mess last night (and today morning) - Awesome! Thank you people for making me go through all this shit. You are adding to the stories I can look back and laugh about. In fact I am already looking back and laughing about it! 

(Editing this after 3 hours - I am not laughing anymore. Denial stage that was, I think. But I will eventually laugh, am sure.)

2. I can't wait for mum to come back. 

3. I am sorry if I sound painfully repetitive, but I REALLY cannot wait to see my friends, starting 28th Jan - up until Feb 15th! I am in fact almost getting emotional thinking about it! 

4. I am planning on some cheap thrills with NB for the Delhi vacation. Hope it is fun. NB's notable tit bits for the day - 

a. Relationshit.

b. Wish guys were like Bombay local. It's for us to choose if we want to take them or not*

5. My Orkut forecast for the day - "Learn something today." - Dude, I learnt far more than I had intended to learn in a day!! 

6. Piyu is our (mine and Shilpa's) crystal ball. She can freakin foresee stuff man! Not once, twice - but all the time! 

7. And hell ya, I had a decent trip with my dad. 

8. "Good riddance to bad rubbish jinuni" - said Galette. And I fully agree. 

P.S: Ok the title of the blog is stolen from Myuu's blog post title. 

P.P.S: I don't steal anything else - definitely not boyfriends. 

* I think that's how it actually is - They ARE in fact like Bombay local. They come and go, we can take them or leave them. And I just realized it is fun to just hop on one, go on a ticketless (illegal) ride for cheap thrills :P

There is pessimism in the air with the economical, political, climatical and personal instability. The effects are reflecting in my attitude towards GMAT. I haven't ever felt so pesssimistic about an exam. I haven't even started preparing and I have a feeling I won't get the kinda scores I want. Somehow it seems like such a long walk ahead that even the thought of getting started is tiring me out... :( 

PP reminded me its been 5 days since my last post. Yes, it has been a frustrating week. Snippets of my diary rearranged below to look like a blog-post. I've been preoccupied with the following -

 

1. Economical meltdown - The entire economic cycle is right in front of my eyes. I am not a witness of the phenomenon but a victim of it. Individuals are cringing to spend money, organizations are not recruiting and the jackpots of one era (read: Finance and IT) are the latest wells of misery.

 

I am a part of the rut. I am educated but not educated enough. I quit a well paying job with a giant organization at the wrong timing. I had not anticipated the melt down. I now work for a start-up and I have not received salary in the last 2 months. I have long bills which are being foot by my parents, who themselves live an almost hand-to-mouth existence. (An honest public sector class 1 officer has perks which do not turn into cash and a salary which has not been revised in the last 8 years. My mother is a home-maker. )

 

2. Slumdog Millionaire - People were hysteric. Shobha De and the likes wrote posts everywhere about the movie. Friends on facebook were swearing by the movie. Internationally, people have another half-baked story on Indian poverty to talk about in their social gatherings. I downloaded it on Torrent (added to piracy) and watched the movie.

 

I thought it was just ok. Love overplayed for a 'slumdog.' In those harsh realities what does a kid know of love? Never mind, he still chases the girl to a happy ending. (extremely happy ending considering IIM grads of my country are almost out of job and a slumdog is a millionaire!)

 

Spit on my face all ye Europeans and Australians. I am an Indian. I need Danny Boyle and Gregory David Roberts  to tell me that Dharavi is bad life.

 

3. www.intent.com and spirituality - I was going through intent.com for a case study in my organization. I have always been spiritually inclined (I do not read self-help books, in case you were wondering.) and so the website caught my attention. I was mesmerized by the content to start with and emailed a whole bunch of friends about it. Ritually, this morning I was reading intents there and someone said - Only perfection exists. There is no imperfection.

 

I thought to myself, when you write self-help books and cash on the millions of depressed people or make sub standard movies, you are in a position to easily look away from this world's imperfections. Watching slumdog millionaire and dubbing it the movie of the year is stupid if you do not know that world is full of slumdogs who will never ever get a full meal, let alone become millionaires. Life is far from perfect, I am not speaking out of frustration but out of conviction.

 

4. Growing older and other insecurities related with it - Less than a month to growing a little more older. I am starting to get crushed by the number game. I am trying damn hard to be the right sister, daughter, friend etc. and I am missing myself more than ever before. I started 2009 being broke and I will start the 24th year of my life being broke too. Friends are settling down and I m becoming restless since I don't want to settle down but want to feel more secure.  blah blah blah.

 

(pre-midlife crisis.) 

Just the usual...

Randomness begins -

 

 

1. Priya has a blog!! I never knew that! Somehow in all these months we never spoke about our blogs!  Priya was Google's one-stop-shop for full fledged entertainment. The girl who will make you laugh incessantly - literally and will shed tears at the drop of a hat. I totally adore her (like every other Googler.) After all these months,  I still have these Priya moments where I am reminded of her acting like the 60's bollywood heroine and I break into fits of laughter!

 

2. Piyu is anxious about getting married and is worried about such dumb things. We (me, Piyu and Shilpa)  are going --dash-- shopping for her. (Fill in the blanks. Hint - we will shop for THE most important thing for a girl when she is a newly wed bride. Rather a new wife  ;-)

 

She counseled me last night. Somehow when she speaks I want to believe her. There are very few people in life in front of whom you willingly let go of emotions and logic both. They are the people whose judgments you can blindly trust. Even about the most important things of your life. She is one of those. I am saying it probably for the Nth time - I have NO freakin idea what I'd do without her in my life!

 

3. Dad's taking me to Pachmarhi - to help me recoup with whatever the stress shit was. It will be about 2 degrees there. Woohoo! And it's a father-daughter vacation! (since mom's doing a father-daughter vacation with her dad!)

 

4. There are so many pending movies to watch. Wonder when will I stop getting sleepy. I am missing my late night movies and phone calls. (sorry peeps, who have been trying to reach me and I haven't been answering! I've seen all the missed calls and will call back. Promise.)

 

5. My firm is looking for getting funded. I am making a Business Plan/VC report with my CEO! Ya!! I had never imagined I would do this at this age and stage of my career. Though I still do not feel too convinced about the job and the organization, I am starting to feel less pessimistic about it now.

 

6. I want to have cup cakes, slap some pseudo Indians who can't speak Hindi (bah!) and

 

7. I fully empathize with D. (D is my cousin who is going through the process of arranged marriages in India, that is, selecting guys.) She thought the guy is too huge for her and so rejected him. Given how well educated the guy is and what a good family he comes from, the older ones of the family see no reason why she did that. But I fully empathize with her. These things sound dumb but sometimes what matters is just the big 'NO' that your head and heart shout when you see some people.

 

Randomness over.

 

 

My Phone Activity - (Only SMSes all day. Hail Jinu!)

Morning tea - Bhakti Tunes - Download Shiva Stuti and Sai Bhajan. Rs 30/Month. Call rates 6/min

 

Breakfast - RADIO  - Suniye apne manpasad gaane apne hi mobile par, bilkul free! Call rates 9/min

 

Way to work -  CitiAlert.-  Your acc balance is Rs 5747.00. You can withdraw Rs. 0.00

 

1st one hour at office -  YGLC - Get latest updates on the contest at Rs. 3/min

 

Mid-day -  Dad Cel  - What time should I pick you up? Did you get your salary cheque?

 

4pm Tea -  NEWSALERT -  Subscribe and get new alerts 5 times a day. Rs30 pm. Call charges applicable.

 

6:00 PM -  Dad cel -  I am waiting downstairs. Take your time.

 

I usually  get an SMS from Mayuri/Gayatri/Asira/Seb (one of them on a day) asking how my day was etc.

 

If I get damn lucky then Ashwin calls me up and we chatter non-sense.  Yes, there are those calls from NB and Cams, once in 3 - 4 days and from Mayuri in the same frequency. There's Shilpa once in a week and my sister, everyday. 

 

You think I don't need a phone at all?

Hair Color or Colorful hair?

So I wanna color my hair BLUE!! (Yes, I am ready to face all the scorn and get disowned bymy  parents until the time the color goes off)

In fact I want to color it blue and dark pink - such that when I tie my hair, my ponytail is like loads of blue and dark pink! Now I know what people would say - 

Girl, that's too much for a small town like yours where you now stay!

We Indians don't have the complexion for all these colors. And definitely not you. 

Ok chill... what are you trying?

Honestly... I couldn't care less about what the world has to say to dissuade me. The day I step outta here, I am getting all blue and pink! 

* Btw, I am wearing Indigo blue pyjamas with white stars on them, a black t-shirt and a dark pink jacket on top. I think the colors are SO awesome! I look so full of life! Only the hair could have been better....sigh! Here's a picture for your reference. 

The jet-setting Sundays

and weekends pass ever so swiftly... sigh! 

Yeah, I have a 6 day week at work and it is only Sunday that constitutes weekend for me. Sunday is the most awaited day of the week and the most fruitless. I have a whole bunch of things planned to be done on Sunday but all I do on that day is procrastinate. I usually end up chit-chatting with Mom and lazing around, not doing much. 

I have been planning to begin my preps on the 'coming Sunday' for the last 2 months. I haven't done that. I am supposed to spend more time exercising on Sunday and to catch up on all my reading. I am supposed to go to the salon on Sunday and get pampered a bit. I had to take my mum to the clinic for her regular check-up and I lazed to do that too. And yes, the dreaded dentist appointment... that's history too! I had to update my mom's iPod, get some photographs framed, clean my closet and some super simple tasks like paying my bills online! 

I haven't done any of these. Instead, I spent all the time sitting in my balcony, thinking, answering phone calls if people called up and wondering why beautiful things fade so fast. I spent the entire Sunday defining 'perfect' and seeing how much gap exists between what is 'real' and what is 'perfect.'

Now, there is not much you can do when you miss the active, go-getter you that you have been. I plan to find myself back this coming Sunday... 

Higlights of the day...

Not like it warrants a blog post, but just felt like summing up my day... spotlight is on friends today (wondering when it isn't!)

1. Me and cams filled the final gap today. And our friendship now seems complete after 6 years. So damn happy! 

2. Me and Nidhi feeling revived love. Missing each other and feeling happy about us being us. 

3. Gale started blogging and she has started so well! 

4. I will meet Poornima in Feb! How cool is that!? :)

5. I have resolved something for the remaining days of 2008. Praying to God I can keep up to the resolve! 

I am happy and strong today. 

Thank you God for all the lovely people you have given me. 

The little dictionary

• Stupid - is how I feel right now.
  
• Mean - is what some people are.
  
• Control - is that which I do not have.
  
• Drunk - is how I wish I was.
  
• Home - is where I do not want to be.
  
• Games - are the dumb things that people play.
  
• Hell - is where some people can go to. 
  
• Thunder - is what I am listening to right now.
  
• Hope - is all that we are all left with.
  

Yeah, it is always only words for me!

Just a few verses from here and there... Punched them in because I liked them at one point or the other! Guess the songs, it should be fun!

But the suns been quite kind while I wrote this song
Its for people like you that keep it turned on

If I were a boy

I would turn off my phone
Tell everyone its broken
So they think
that I was sleeping alone

Think I've mistaken you for somebody else

Somebody who gave a damn

Somebody more like myself

But love is not a victory march 

it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah 

it's not a cry that you hear at night 

it's not somebody who's seen the light 

it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah 

It's like meeting the man of your dreams

... and meeting his beautiful wife! 

And if you want to leave, I can guarantee you won't find nobody else like me! 

I am singing, follow me! 

Now it seems to me, some fine things
Have been laid upon your table
But you only want the ones that you cant get

Desperado, why dont you come to your senses? 
Come down from your fences, open the gate
It may be rainin, but theres a rainbow above you
You better let somebody love you, before its too late...!

My favorite song?

This is one question I am asked every now and then by so many people..! (Filler question, I think!)

And I always give new answers! BUT, I just realized there is this one song I love the most and never manage telling anyone, because I end up thinking of Nickelback or Lifehouse or something :|

'Your Song' By Elton John is that one song which melts me each time I hear it. And it has been so since I first heard it. So I think it totally deserves a place in my blog. 

 :) 

And when boredom sets in...

My sister warned me - Do NOT get bored this time. And I promised her I wont. It looks like this is the Nth time I am breaking the same promise. What do you do when you have not the faintest idea of what bores you so much. The boredom is not of the person. People are great. Lovable. But it is the ritual. The process is killjoy. The same ol' - Making phone calls and waiting for them. Life just goes on otherwise. You go to work, you get home, you sleep. It is a rewind-play cycle. You play the same side of the record and you have no clue what's on the other side. The other side is probably as boring as this side. And you do not want to try it - for you are scared it will be worse. There is nothing to look forward to. It is as predictable as it can get. The life side of the record can be played all over again each day but the love side of the record? You can't do it more than a couple of times. The boredom sets in and you chuck the record out of the window. And that is when you realize that you threw life out too. 

But how does it matter anyway? You were bored to death. Sometimes you can't even chuck the record - for you just bought it a couple of days back. And you were longing to buy it. You knew it was going to be the same trite mundane noise in the name of music. But you can't help it. You are a love-sick puppy and any record that seems to play the love song, you will get it. And damn! the record sucked! You wait for a couple of months because you can't chuck it that soon after all. You feel guilty. You have nothing against the record. It is just that the instruments are the same. And all that you thought would be music turned out to be noise. Noise all the time. The artist is great but he can't help it but churn out noise. And you'd probably get used to some noise some day and keep it forever. 

And the rest is destiny. 

Humming for now, humming since forever.

This is all I have been humming all day, trying to cope up with the real speed of the track. In case you haven't heard it before, this is RHCP - Can't stop. 

The world I love 
The tears I drop 
To be part of 
The wave can't stop 
Ever wonder if it's all for you 
The world I love 
The trains I hop 
To be part of 
The wave can't stop 
Come and tell me when it's time to 

Sweetheart is bleeding in the snowcone 

So smart she's leading me to ozone 
Music the great communicator 
Use two sticks to make it in the nature 
I'll get you into penetration 
The gender of a generation 
The birth of every other nation 
Worth your weight the gold of meditation 
This chapter's going to be a close one 
Smoke rings I know your going to blow one 
All on a spaceship persevering 
Use my hands for everything but steering 
Can't stop the spirits when they need you 
Mop tops are happy when they feed you 
J. Butterfly is in the treetop 
Birds that blow the meaning into bebop 

Kick start the golden generator 

Sweet talk but don't intimidate her 
Can't stop the gods from engineering 
Feel no need for any interfering 
Your image in the dictionary 
This life is more than ordinary 
Can I get 2 maybe even 3 of these 
Come from space 
To teach you of the pliedes 
Can't stop the spirits when they need you 
This life is more than just a read thru 

chuck me the guitar and I'll sing you a song...Let's dance like we used to, and you can giggle as I get the steps all wrong.

Yes, it's me getting all girl-like and melting... I read this beautiful poem and it's up here now! 

Follow the link: 

http://www.quizilla.com/poems/7937325/hey-cheer-up-girl