And wishes come true :)

Dint I tell you my life has reached a period of legendary weekends?

So after all those months of GMAT, switching jobs, staying up all night to write essays, pestering ex-bosses to write recommendations, I finally have heard from the 1st college that I had applied to. And I have heard on the affirmative! Yes, I am joining ISB Class of 2011 on April 12 :)

So it is back to Hyderabad for me now. Yes, the stale Hyderabad but I am not complaining. It's new people, new campus, some old friends and a year of frolic.

So blogging will either increase a lot or decrease a lot! Tomorrow (hopefully) is my last day at work. It's then back home to arrange the monies and eat some awesome food and go for long walks by the beach with mom. And then shop for college.

Hyderabad, get ready - your lucky charm is back ;-)

P.S: Ya Ive chucked my American dream. At least for the moment.

Lok Sabha Elections and my wasted obsession!

It is not easy being a 24 year old MBA aspirant during days of stunted economic growth and political instability. Though it helps that my dad is a public-sector employee without the threat of recession lurking over his head.

 

My blog might make people think I am obsessed with politics and elections. But the turn of events in the last few months have been such that I can't seem to get the damn thing out of my mind. Today I spent about 3 hours reading up about various political parties and alliances and their election agenda/manifestos etc. At the end of it I concluded that which people have known since age eternity -

 

Politicians go blind in the love of power. They completely forget the cause for which they should be contesting an election.

There cannot be 75% votes for any one party and it will no doubt be a coalition government. (The very thought scares me. There should be a way if the resultant PM is the likes of Mayawati, we as public are able to discard her as our national leader.)

 

If we look at a hypothetical situation where every constituency elects the best people's representative for  lok-sabha, we can still not guarantee that the party with the best national leader will win the election, since all parties are mixed baskets - rotten apples and nice apples.

 

In another situation, If people casted votes for party 'X' since it has the best prime-ministerial candidate, it does not mean the local representative at the lok sabha will do any good for his constituency. He might be the biggest convict in your locality, for all you know. If Rahul Gandhi for instance is your next dream leader, it will mean electing congress in local constituencies and you might just have to vote for a 80 year old murder for that lok-sabha seat of your constituency!

 

Also, the point to note is, the affairs of the state are handled by the state govt. and so the entire mess of  how do you maintain sync in lok-sabha and rajya-sabha elections. Plus you never know which small party or independent candidate will go shake hands with whom. Uff!

 

The conclusion being it is anyway a Catch 22 situation for 'aam junta' like us. And we cannot deny it, there will still be security slip-ups and corruption no matter which ever party rules. Ours is a bloody big country and running it in a corporate setting is such a stupid pipe-dream.

 

Ideally, there have to be 543 clean-record educated candidates for EACH and EVERY constituency of India. I am not talking about 'cool, suit-tie' leaders but a very well planned system where these candidates go through rigorous training for understanding the problems in their constituency and state-of-affairs of the country in general AND THEN they go campaigning in such a way that they win both urban and rural votes. Let's face it, most of our population is in the villages and they care 2 hoots if you are from IIT. But if you really ARE from IIT and able to answer their questions about food, clothing and shelter - you have BOTH rural and urban votes. City lads love it if you are that crème with the nation as your cause.

 

And these educated people will make educated choices - the professionals like IAS, IPS officers, bureaucrats etc will help them learn these nitty-gritties and make wise choices.

 

Oh I know I've been brooding too much over it and I also feel terrible for being the only-words-no-action bloggers, but I don't know how to start! Else I swear I would have. The logistics are just so complicated and daunting! And this is where the doom begins - so many of jinus blogging and unable to use technology to make a real difference. Sigh!

 

* A quick snippet - 

UPA = UPA +Trinamool - SP

NDA = NDA -BJD

Third Front = Communists + assorted regional parties

Expect this equation to keep changing till we go to the polls and after it as well.

Resources - http://www.indian-elections.com/ and today's edition of TOI and HT! 

Rights and Duties go hand in hand.

This is what most of us did over the last few months/years - 

We blogged and bitched about blasts in Jaipur, Bangalore Gujarat, the economic melt down, about Mumbai attacks, and about our ever favorite topics - Shiv Sena, Ram Sene and communism. With or without blogs, we still bitched a lot about Fodder scam, Tehelka, Bofors, Naxals, LTTE, Godhra, Babri Masjid, Ayodhya, Flight hijacks, safety slip ups etc etc. 

We shouted out to the world about how open minded and awesome our generation is. 

We felt proud that we are aware citizens who speak our mind out and do not mind protesting, creating focus groups etc. We bitched non stop with our pride intact and concluded event after event that we need a better leader. 

Until someone someday shook us and said - 

"Bob, the farmers and the slum dwellers go and vote. Not you. So bastard/bitch just shut the f*** up and live with it. And if you can't, go and cast your damn vote." (If no one ever said this to you - then consider me telling this to you on behalf of every single awakened Indian citizen.) 

To cut the long story short - if you are a blogger or even remotely tech savvy and happen to come across this - I will urge you to get your voter ID card and cast your vote. If you thought the entire process is painfully long, there is www.jaagore.com which not only makes the process just 5 mins long, but also helps you get rid of a few voting myths. 

I have a voter ID card and I voted for the state elections last year. Elections are around the corner again and I will vote again. And I will vote each time there is an election in my country - so that I can write about issues that matter to me and not feel guilty. I don't want to carry the burden of being a poor citizen. It is a big weight to carry. I am a proud daughter, sister, friend and a proud individual. I want to be a proud citizen too. 

I also know that casting your vote is just step-1. Step 2 probably is trying to clean the nation by getting our hands into the muck - Yes, to contest elections. It might take us about 3 decades to cleanse and purify this mess. But at least we will be a part of the change, a catalyst and will give a happy nation to our future generations.

If you are reading this post, I will love it if you leave your comment and tell me if you

a. have a voters ID card (if not, you know that www.jaagore.com is the place to go.)

b. will cast your vote this year. If not, then why. 

I understand very well that it is my most fundamental right and my most important duty - to vote. I will fight until my last breath for the right to vote and will perform my duty as reliogiously as I brush my teeth. 

P.S - A special note for my non-Indian readers - This post stands true for you too, as long as you come from a democratic country where you have the right to vote. After all, if all the nations of the world have good leaders, we can all peacefully co-exist. 

Freedom of action, not consequence.

Ok I know all the jazz about it being of little consequence when we start pondering over decisions already taken. The deal here is, this one decision I was so proud of until last evening is making me miserable today. Here goes the long story -

 

7 months ago, I chose to come back home and stay with family, after eight long years,  to a rather small town. This small town has no one that I can refer to as 'friends' and a 'friend circle' except for this little college going kid who is my only source of arbit muse.  Now, as most of you would know (personally or through the blog) I have always been surrounded by a whole bunch of  friends - beer buddies, emo buddies and the likes.  I haven't had a routine or schedule per se in any of those 8 years. I haven't slept for more than 4 - 5 hours each night. Socializing, drinking, getting wasted after all demands time!

 

And the days I wasn't socializing, I would either sit at that corner table at Barista - sip Brrista Frappe, smoke about 6 classic milds and either talk non-stop or listen non-stop. (Or maybe read/gaze non-stop.)Then there was always my iPod - fully charged around my neck like a school-tie. If I wasn't willing to get bitten by mosquitoes at 8 PM and drag myself out of the coffee shop, I'd go home straight from office - switch on the little TV, sit on the bean(less) bag or the long comfy cane chair with a drink (smirn-off was ever present in our apartment) and our oh-so-famous eco-friendly ash tray* and get semi high. (More because of the milds than the smirnoff) I would then either make Dal chawal for myself (and if required for NB and cams) or ask Cams to get something packed for me to eat. I would blissfully watch TV, interrupted by ever-welcome phone calls from sister dear.

 

Or sometimes plug my iPod to the huge creative speakers, play some insane bhangra/club music and try damn hard to shake a leg (I have 2 left feet, but I manage dancing at clubs with some close friends.) These were also the times when I would think about the long spans of (not-so)single-dom (that my friends do not comprehend. I have a knack of attracting/getting attracted to Mr. Wrongs.) And then naturally, I like to think of things that are supposed to be more in my control - like higher studies. So there are these recurring thoughts of taking GMAT and fleeing to a far off land.

 

And on that one day when NB and Cams, the catalysts of my thought process were not in town - I put down my papers at Google. I was convinced that only all the stress and pressure of being jobless can make me focus on GMAT. I (wrongly) thought I was done with drinking, smoking, getting wasted. Little did I know that though that wasn't me in entirety, it was a large part of me for sure - No, not the drinking smoking, but I missed being by myself and the randomness that comes along.

 

I was too eager to pack up and leave - and I did. No divine force told me that these are the last few precious months with Cams before he ties the knot or before NB moves to Delhi. And the taking the test and screwing it up like never before, is all history. Oh how can I forget, GMAT also brought along bloody relationship(t)s and dumb, unnecessary heart breaks. Hmph!

 

Fast forwarding from September 2008 until yesterday evening.

 

I told NB last evening how proud I was of myself for having broken out of the Google comfort zone (I still am.) but today - today is the day of reckoning. I am very sure I am stuck in the painful number game (I love my parents just too much to want to break out of it right now.) I am 24, so by 26 I should finish MBA so that either I find a boy or they find me one and then I 'settle down.' Yes, settle down in an ugly and monotonous routine. Like the one I have now - wake up, have breakfast, go to work, come back, watch the same soap on TV and then the same news channel and have dinner and go to my room and either read or blog. Do you see the missing and the most vital element? Social circle and me being me - yes!

 

So now that I can't get out of the number game, the only way out is to give myself a deadline for GMAT, take the damn exam and ace it, meanwhile job hunt at a different place in these economically wasted times. Which reminds me, there is some more frustration - I haven't been paid in the last 3 months and I can feel the pinch/slap/bang/rape that finances (or the lack of them) can cause/afflict. Anyway, coming back, all I can do is bloody focus for the next 3 odd months (HOW?!) and then get the fuck out of this place. (excuse the language, there is no other way of expression that's apt here.)

 

Wish me luck. I am dead bored of the way life's been treating me or vice versa.

 

* I have requested for the photographs. They'll be up shortly.

Finally... Phew!

Ok so here goes it - 

After a hell lot of research over internet, calling up people I had not spoken to in years, reading magazines (Fuck yeah! 'I - JINU" read crazy magazines!) and spending an entire sleepless night doing all this - I have now figured out how to get the desired blue color hair. Since I have invested so much of time into this, I would like all my esteemed readers to benefit from this investment. Read carefully. 

1. If you have dark hair, blue will almost not show. 

2. If it does, it will soon turn green (Yeah, green!) in a wash or two.

3. You will need to bleach your hair to light blonde or almost white to get the color right. 

4. Colors like Blue, Green, Pink, Violet etc which are not natural colors usually wear out very fast.

5. When the color is coming off, your hair turns light blonde (or even worse white) since thatis  what you did to get the color on, right?

6. You will have to re-spend in getting dyed black/brown again. 

7. And the icing - The bleaching may damage your hair so bad that it can take years to get better. 

So are all my lovely readers thinking I am not getting the much talked about Blue? Well, I am made of harder stuff than that my friend! I have figured out an alternative - I am getting Hair extensions!  Yes! Hair extensions come in shit loads of colors, are easy to have and do not damage your hair (almost nothing as compared to bleaching blah!) So if you are as mad as me, you can get 10 extensions of 5 colors or something. (I have a fair image of how I want it to look.)

So Purnima's suggestion has been bought. Hair re-do will happen in February when I am visiting her in Poona. :)

One wish and then it's all Sex and the City

Wish - Ride on a car/jeep roof, again. (We did it so often back then and I am dying to do it again!) 

Sex and the city  - They don't air it on TV anymore here in India. I was looking for episodes to watch online and I saw that loads of websites have these awesome quotes from the serial. Here are the ones which I always had loved - 

"Despite the fact that there are over eight million people on the island of Manhattan, there are times you still feel shipwrecked and alone. Times even the most resourceful survivor would feel the need to put a message in a bottle, or on an answering machine."

(I swear!)

"Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous."

(And those someones seize being that someone after the first date!)

"I will never be the woman with the perfect hair, who can wear white and not spill on it."

 (That's almost me talking!)

"That's the thing about needs. Sometimes when you get them met, you don't need them anymore. "

(Exactly! That's why the thrill of chasing!)

“When you're young, your whole life is about the pursuit of fun. Then, you grow up and learn to be cautious. You could break a bone or a heart. You look before you leap and sometimes you don't leap at all because there's not always someone there to catch you. And in life, there's no safety net. When did it stop being fun and start being scary?”

(When? When you finished tenth grade.)

"After all, things change, so do cities, people come into your life and they go. But it's comforting to know that the ones you love are always in your heart... and if you're very lucky, a plane ride away” 

(So damn true and I am so glad I am the luckier kinds!)

"Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies."

(Sounds familiar...nah?)

The Ultimate wish-list!

Damn Jinu's got the dope! People are usually in the quest for knowledge, they yearn to attain nirvana or are on the look out for soul mates. What keeps me terribly busy is the hunt for the right odd job! Hail Mr. Abigail whoever, who has written an entire book on 101 freakin odd jobs - what you need to do one and what do you get out of the job! Now, I have gone through the book with meticulous precision and these jobs have made it through the cut and a brief line about what it is and what's exciting about the job - 

1. Crossing guard - Help school kids and people cross roads on busy streets. Bright Orange vest and the STOP sign. 

2. Bike messenger - Deliver letters and packages. Beijing/Buenos Aires are the places where they are popular. And cycling across the town!!

3. Yard work - Weed, plant, prune, dig, rake, mow, shovel. Isn't that exciting enough?

4. Windshield washer - Clean windshields of cars - Always dreamed of doing this. I love cleaning glass!

5. Human Statue - Stand motionless on streets and look like a statue - Paint myself silver and stand still and observe people. How cool is that!

6. Fire lookout - Stand perched on a tower and look for forest/wild fire - Imagine, stand at a serene place and look for something that will probably never happen!

7. Human scarecrow - Scare off birds from farms - Go to a quaint farm in countryside Europe and chase off little birds. That's life. 

8. Kibbutz - Work alongside Israeli farmers - Israel is the key

9. Snow maker - Make artificial snow at ski resorts - Monotony of the work...!

10. Shell picking - Pick shells on shores - Pretty much an expert and always cried when parents dragged me to go back home. And doing this at Kauai, Hawaii is like dream come true! 

It has been forecast by many that I will suffer from very early midlife crisis and will suffer from a bad one at that. So I am preparing myself for the bad times well en avance! 

There are some more odd jobs that I want to do, which unfortunately do not feature in the book.

1. Scrape paints off walls - Yeah, I know you knew I like this!

2. Florist - Small sharp knife to remove thorns from roses. Beauty! 

3. Truck driver - My hands hurt when I serve food. Delicate wrists. But I will make truck driving come true. 

4. Porter with a moving company - Those people who lug your luggage to your top floor? That'll be me.

5. Phone wire repairs - Land line conked off? I will fix it with those little testers and wires and small instruments.

6. Tent erector - I will erect tents at adventure sport destinations or even at a circus for that matter. Those thick ropes are such a thrill! 

7. Camel caravan nomad - Move with 100 other people with colorful clothes and camels. I will pose for American tourists in Rajasthan and make money! 

8. Motel/strip club Bar tender - Yeah, mix drinks for happy sad drunkards at highway motels or cheesy strip clubs. What fun to be on the other side!

Can't wait to get started! 

My best friend is going through hell and the only way I can keep my mind off all the mess is by scribbling on my blog. And since I can't write about what he is going through, I will write about my vacation plans for 2009. 

My first list does not seem too long and I will cover the places based on what season it is and of course company availability at that time. Yes - I will look for company while I travel but if I can't convince anyone to travel with me, then I am very much out on my own (plus iPod and Books, of course!) I plan to cover the typical:

Beaches - This will hog most of the annual plan since I am a huge beach fan! The idea is to do a few crowded beaches (read Anjuna) and a few quaint beaches (Malvan maybe?) 

Jungle Resorts - Corbett, Kanha and Sunderban top the list. Of course will add more as I explore. 

Hills/Mountains/Valleys - Definitely Wayanad and Coonoor. 

I am happy with my list! Not too long and just enough to keep me happy! Looks completely do-able and gives me time to first finish GMAT!

Anjuna - Goa

Malvan - Maharashtra

Corbett - Uttaranchal 

Sunderban - West Bengal

Kanha - Madhya Pradesh

Wayanad - Kerala

Coonoor - Tamilnadu

Darjeeling - West Bengal

Khajjiar - Himachal Pradesh

Quite obviously, I am gonna post a new post here well before I plan to take off to one of these places, in case anyone wants to join me! 

* Please excuse me for the bad quality of websites (links on destinations.) But these websites have the best information ever! Also, do leave a comment if you have been to any superb place in India, which might be non-descript and you think one should visit! 

If there's a God above!

Talking about wishes... I went to Ujjain yesterday. The land of Gods. (Shiva to be precise.) No, going to Ujjain wasn't a part of the wishlist. But asking God to make a wish come true surely was! I had never asked of something to God ever, as such. I mean I did, but in the most casual ways ever. Never nagged him in my morning prayers. Not that I don't trust if God can make things come true - but I was never too convinced. For ex., I did go to the temple asking for good scores before exams but when results appeared - good or bad - they were the exact reflection of my efforts. 

Yesterday, I had this one problem while I was praying though - I din't know what language to pray in. I tried Telugu and Hindi, but the words just did not come out fine. I could not express myself. Before I realized, I had slipped to praying in English and I was doing just fine when this fear rose in me - Would he get it? It's not our language after all. In the end I convinced myself that as long as he says - "May all your wishes come true" it's all good! 

So I prayed to God for something that I cannot do anything about. I asked God to help me read the signs and give me the courage to follow my heart. I asked God to help me figure out what exactly is it that I want. Though I kept thinking through out my way that I would ask God to make my wish come true, I ended up asking God to do that which he thinks is right and help me live with it. 

I am hoping God can read my blog since he is ominpresent! God, I hope you remember me as the girl who never ever nagged you with wishes and never ever blamed you when things din't go my way. God, this is the one time I feel completely lost and helpless with the situation I am in. In case you are reading my blog (it is aptly named 'what Jinu wants') please only pay attention to this post. I will take care of everything else God, just help me deal with confusion. 

(Believing in God is a part of my New Year resolution - I am starting a little early!)

New Year resolution!!

Ok I am sure I am the last one to think of New Year's resolutions in the world, with 2009 just around the corner! That said, since this is the first ever time in 23 years I have thought of New years resolution, I am so excited! And there is no way I won't have them up on my blog. I have some serious ones and some atypical but extremely important ones. Here I go! 

1. Put myself first - Whatever it takes. 

2. Accept my shortcomings - So far I have been accepting the awesome side of me and nurturing it like crazy. It is time I faced the truth that there are certain not so nice things about me. It is time I realized that me and my people HAVE to live with it, until I learn how to get over them. So, the world's going to see a slightly different me. I will stop concealing the not-so-nice things and in fact will be myself.  If you do not like something about me - Deal with it! 

3. Do what my heart says - Jinu, the epitome of practicality, the 'matter-of-fact' queen has now decided to listen to her heart's calling. Not like - go to Timbaktuu types. But, if I want to take a half day, I will take a half day. If I want to call everyone on my phone book, I will call them up. I will stop calculating too much. 

4. Manage time - This is parents inspired. I have faced reality. Time management is NOT multi tasking at office! But time management is going to office and still having a life of your own. This includes: 

a. Going to the gym in the morning. 

b. Driving daddy down to office - and not vice-versa

c. Not being lazy for Yoga class on Sunday. 

d. Spending solid 2 hours with GMAT Prep. 

e. Reading more than just 10 pages at night. 

5. Have more faith in God. 

Damn, 2009 seems like a tough one! 

It really isn't that bad!

God really has his ways of making you feel better! I was going through the frustration of 'Jinu proposes, mummy disposes'. I had grand plans of spending a few hours with books and kick starting GMAT Prep this weekend. But as you would have already guessed - my mum had something else on her mind. She wanted to go shopping! Yes - so bloody predictable. With my sister's arrival around the corner (with in-laws and stuff! :O ) and being a south-Indian family - we went saree shopping for the 'guests.' We entered these stores with such pretty clothes and through out our way I kept seeing these beautiful shoes - like a kid who looks longingly at ice cream parlors but does not ask his parents for it since he knows they will say a no. And then my dad decides to be the good dad and buys me a pretty corduroy winter coat and lovely leather boots. And I was all smiles!! 

So, I came back home and thought it was time to sleep. Just then I felt I should watch a movie! And there I go - I started watching 'Love Actually.' No particular reason - I remember seeing it while at Google and melting at a few scenes. So thought it's a zero-risk movie. I would not repent having watched it again. And that's when I get a call from a 'not-so-close' but a nice friend of mine. We got talking and I said how frustrated I was, how I so badly want to do an MBA and make big buck but the entire process is so long and tiring that somehow I have no energy to get started etc etc. (If you are one of those who speak to me at least once a week, you would very well know the crib story!) Anyway, so he suddenly says something that I am taken aback and pleasantly surprised at the same time - 

"It's ok if you don't feel upto it. I will do the MBA and we'll get married. Then you can have all the money and do anything you want to! " followed by a "Fine?"

Anyone reading this would get a feeling that I was being hinted at, but I know him well enough. He did not mean a word, but just meant - it's ok, we'll deal with it! 

But the thought stayed on my mind. Imagine someone actually doing that for you! In all honesty, the me otherwise would be so put off to hear this. I would typically go - "What? are you insisting I get married to some rich bum and become a kitty-party babe? Excuse me, I am not cut out for all that!" But all I said was - "Ya..! that sounds like a plan!"

I had a good think over the episode and I figured out, that just the fact that someone said it is fine to not do anything  - was amazing! I mean it is not criminal to not do it and that something or the other can be figured out!

Did I make sense? Or did I? All in all, happy feelings. :)

GMAT fever - Back with vengeance!

After days and weeks of contemplation and procrastination, I finally plan to spend a few hours with books today. Nail the bitch has again become the mantra of my life. I did what we all GMAT aspirants in India do when we plan - doing an MBA, taking a GMAT date, buying books, writing applications and choosing schools - login to www.pagalguy.com. 

PaGalGuy has this weird thing to it. It can send you through a wave of emotions in ten minutes flat. The 1st instance, when you read a happy post of someone having scored a 750, you are all geared up and you feel positive. The whole 'Of course I can do it' thing flows in you like an electric wave. Then you read the rest of the related posts. Someone used to get these 730s in GMAT Prep and ended up with an abysmal 600 something in the real test. Reading this post is frustration step -1. For some it is awakening, knowing that GMAT Prep test is not the benchmark and for some, like me, it is confusion and restlessness. 

You then desperately walk through all posts and analyze and over analyze various mock scores and what 620 in Kaplan means or what 700 in MGMAT means. Then you read about esnips and go download a few popular things hoping they will be your treasure. 

While you do all this, one thing you know for sure is - Only basics can take you there. Knowing your formulae, knowing your VA strategies, loads of practice and analyzing your mistakes is what can help you pin the devil down. 

And then there is the ultimate gyaan. You have heard it before and you will hear it everyday until you take the test - Keep your calm. Don't panic. Now this is one piece of advice I royally ignored and precisely why I am having to go through the pain of taking the exam again. 

If I had to reflect on my mistakes with all honesty, then the list would be rather short but grave: 

Quitting my job for the sake of GMAT - My plan was that the pressure of joblessness will drive me to work harder than ever before. That was the mistake. I assumed that I can't discipline myself while working. Never Ever quit when you are planning on an exam. 24 hrs are way too long and you will only end up killing all of it since so much time in hand is such a welcome change. Work pressure will force you to devote at least 2 solid hours of prep everyday whereas joblessness will make you think of all the hobbies you did not pursue and will prompt you to relax and slow down and blah! 

Panic - Life and death fear with the exam. This was a direct result of the 1st mistake. Having quit a well-paying and an 'up-and-to-the-right' learning curve at Google, I had an inherent fear of - what if this does not work out. And that was what took me down. I was so damn scared on the day of exam and I told myself so many times to not be scared that the mix was potent. I was extremely scared and extremely confident despite the fear. Through the exam I kept believing I am doing well, when I was not. (Though I still believe the algorithm for quants was fucked beyond repair!) 

Time pass/waste - Again, the root lies in the whole quitting drama. I was so overwhelmed with all the time I had in hand, and the good home food and mother's undivided attention after eight long years that GMAT just became a part of the day instead of being the day. I would wake up early, sit with my books, partly asleep and thinking of coffee. Then I would drag myself to the kitchen, have some hot coffee, stand in the balcony, marvel at the beautiful mornings and get into some weird dream world. I had no clue how the day used to pass and at 5 sharp I would be wearing my tracks and t-shirt and my i-pod and all set to go for a run! I would come back, look at the beautiful evenings and wait for it to be night time when it would be my official reading time. Grab my book, tuck myself in, read until my eyes droop and sleep blissfully thanking Marquez and Salinger! 

Too many post-exam plans - I had the tightest ever post-exam agenda. It was so precise that it shocks me now. It started from 5:30 PM D-Day when I come out of the test center up until the same day, next month! The excitement was so much that I barely stopped thinking of the good times and in fact spent long hours over the phone with friends making elaborate vacation plans! 

I am planning to re-do the entire thing. I will take it slow and go steady this time! I will not spend forever analyzing someone else's preparation and will be honest to myself. God! the rest is up to you! 

I think this post is going to be a long one.. a really long one. (or maybe not.) So many things just happen at the flick of a finger! I had a long frustrating day at work last night and my welcome break met me right after. He is my only guy friend who says all those sweet things to me (Oh don't think is hitting on me!) and he is the one who comes to see me at my beck and call. He is the one who does not say how sick I look at the end of the day and proudly parades with me around the town with my ruffled hair and smudged kohl. He doesn't complain when I wear mad t-shirts and does not ask me to chuck my ugly laptop bag. He drives me home no matter how drunk, lets me ride his bike and lets me sing loud in the middle of a crowded street with my ugly voice. He shares ice-candy with me and tells me he knows that I wax. 

So anyway, now the world knows of the one nice friend I have here in this quaint little town! We went for a drink and decided to try the favorite drinks of rockers! We ended up guzzling "Screw Drivers" and the "Screw Drivers" screwed us! We were mighty drunk and 10 Kms away from home! I drove his bike and sang songs full pitch! He dropped me home, I had some yum dinner and went up to my room trying to crash. And then I get a call from the Randomer. Randomer was drunk and so was I. We spoke for about 3 hrs and he told me things that fuckin shook me. Shook me so bad that I could not sleep all night. While I went on and on about how I want to be a paint-scrapper, he listened to me with never-seen-before patience. He not once made fun of me and kept saying hmm. hmm. hmm. He even promised getting me a freakin spatula to help me scrape off the paint! Now that is what I call sweet as a pie. :)

After I was done and convinced I can be a paint-scrapper he decided to speak. And when he spoke, I heard. I heard with all the amazement and shock. He narrated first hand experiences about life. I saw him beyond being narcissus and a probable AIDS victim with his 23 girl friends history. I saw him beyond being a Mech Engg and beyond a stupid-but-dateable-city-lad. I saw the him who thanks God for all that he has. I saw him beyond being a great singer. And that is when I thought I should probably re-consider being a paint-scrapper. 

But wait, I could not consider that. I could still not convince myself being the big CEO with a dream car that I can't drive and rear kids who would probably be rich and spoilt brats and will curse their mother for being career oriented and for not giving them enough love and attention (all this in a car I would have bought for them!) I do not want to be a CEO because after I have become one, I will want to be a bigger, better CEO. 

I don't want to be the pseudo, hep, new-age Indian girl who is a CEO, drinks socially, smokes compulsively, hits men below their belt in board meetings with her power packed presentations. I don't want to be an ideal daughter, jet-setter, hi-flier with fancy apartment in downtown New York City. I don't want invitation passes to Yanni concerts. I don't want to wear that Black Gucci crisp suit and carry the latest Tommy Bag and go to Hawaii for a rushed vacation. 

I'd rather scrape paint off walls, wear plastic flip-flops, earn Rs 20 a day, eat for Rs. 5, save the rest 15 and make myself a mud house with my savings after 15 years. I just want to be a paint-scrapper in a village where the local doctor and the collector bring me books to read from the nearest town. Yes, that is what I want to be Randomer. Let me know when you have reached to the top of the Maslow's hierarchy theory. I wish you could gather the courage to be a clown. 

I also want to..

play UNO with my girlies at Lonavla!! If you are a girl and do not have an all-girl gang, you should probably retrospect and find out what terribly went wrong! We went to Lonavla a few months ago - probably at the worst season to go to that place. It is a hill station and instead of doing one of those hill-station vacations, we sat at a Cafe Coffee Day outlet, playing UNO!! yeah, the UNO craze begin that day and I am spreading it around like conjunctivitis. I think of my days with them and I can see Gujju ben brushing her hair, mallu babe shouting at someone, olive smiling and figuring out sensibilities in the insensible and Mayu either going mad herself or driving one of us mad with her questions... I miss my girls and I can trade anything in the world for a game of UNO with them at a CCD. 

I want to do this and want it now!!!

You know what I really want? Like real bad??

Dump in my bag - a pair of shorts, t-shirts, slip ons, sunscreen, sun glasses and some travellers' cheques with my passport. Check in at an airport for a long distance flight, sit with my book at the check-in lounge and read a hillarious book and laugh my heart out. Then board the flight and read and drink and read and drink and crash. Get off the plane, stay in a shack and go by the beach and read again. Read till my eyes pop out, then go grab a drink and listen to some loud country music and walk out with a heavy head. Go back to my shack and crash and wake up the next morning and again sit by the beach and read again. Read till my eyes pop out, then go grab a drink and listen to some loud country music... 

I want a 700 or I want to throw a tantrum.

Oh well, so predictable of a girl sitting at home dreaming of joining an MBA college - a 700+ GMAT score. Yes. That is what I want. Most of my friends (who ironically happen to be very very intelligent) think this is not a 'want' big enough to appear on a blog. This is a perfectly do-able task - is what they say. I am starting to believe I will get my Hummer before this score (which seems as humongous as a hummer itself.) By industry standards* I am not even preparing for 4 hours a day. What do you think I am doing industry? [industry responds - "panicking"] A quick background - they (industries) say 4 hrs a day for about 2 months is good enough to get you a 700+. You know I got those good grades in school. Now I am thinking does intelligence works on the diminishing values theory? Anyway that's besides the point.

The point being - I want to behave like one of those disgusting little toddlers who throw their hands around demanding toys/chocolates/clothes/balloons and such other stupid things. I want to sit at the ISB campus and throw my hands around and scream - I WANT!!! I WANT ADMISSION!

(Picture the conversation -

Admission council - "But lady, you got no scores and no degree to be proud of!"
Me - " I CARE A DAMN! I WANT! I WANT! I WANT!"
Admission council - "God what an irritating kid! Go child, here is your admission letter"
Me - "YAYYYYY!!!" Thanks!!! Mwaaaaah!"

Dreaming is free you see! )

*Industry standards refers to PaGalGuy and bretherin.
A special note of thanks to Sunny a.k.a Ritvik Mathur for listening to me in the midst of all the BRBs!

The Long Terms - take your time but don't be late!

Wish-list date - Aug 10, 2008.

Ok, so the year 2012 is a bench-mark year of my life. I want to accomplish quite a bit by then. This is a precise list of all that I want to do by then or in that year.

1. Go to London to watch the inaugural event for Olympics - What they did in China was spectacular and what London can do is beyond my imagination. With that, my only option is to visit London and watch it live - and probably get goose bumps all over - like I always do with almost anything.

2. Go to Wimbledon to watch the Men's finals - I watched this year's Men's finals with my best friend, who taught me the nuances of Tennis. Gripping as the match was, we decided it is something to be watched live. Typical Indian that I am, I will miss the face-painting, loud T-shirt, banners etc that are an integral part of live Indian (read cricket) audiences. That said, sophistication is worth trying. I'll give it a shot. Why 2012? Well, honey, where is the money to go before that? ;-)

3. Speak to a VC to fund my mega book-store chain - Now THIS is not just a wish. It is a dream. An aim. Yes, I always wanted a book-store of mine. Actually I always wanted a private-library. A huge one. Then I realised a library will not be for everyone. The idea of getting hundreds of books at one place is not to pile them. I mean where is the point in collecting them if you can't spread the knowledge? Then I thought I will open a public library. (with the slogan - Read till you pass out. Bad?) But the public library won't happen till age 50 - to say the least.

So the current plan is to first sell books for a few years and then have community libraries (I was even thinking if the Govt will let me convert these old haunted forts into beautiful libraries...)

4. Buy mom and dad a swank new house in the city of their choice - My parents have been buying and selling (their own) houses like a real-estate agent. Ironically, at an age when they are about to retire, they do not have a house of their own...yes a middle-class Indian family that is badly hit by the booming real estate costs. The least I can do for them is gift a 2 bedroom apartment that they can proudly call theirs.

The next few, might take forever or might just happen in a few months - but either way, I am not complaining!

1. Europe trip - all alone.

Weird, isn't it? People like going to Europe with lovers/friends. That's the whole point. I want to be with myself (my best friend and the love of my life - me) for a few weeks and live the exotic world. Alone. I won't have to go back because 'X' is tired. I won't have to eat because 'X' is hungry. I won't have to wear warm clothes because 'X' thinks it is freezing. I won't have to stand near a fountain and smile for 'X's' camera because 'X' thinks it will look good on my foto-frame etc etc...

(Is it too difficult to figure out who all can replace the variable 'X' here?)

2. Vegas - with my girlies.

Totally! We gonna blow it up chic-style! Me and my girls have always wished since our college days that we will do a fancy trip somewhere someday. They do not know that I have already decided the place. My journo friend (perenially broke and a psycho) will hate the idea. My gujju friend (with loads of money) will go mad shopping before she goes and will again mad shop at Vegas and all the places en-route. I am glad she hasn't been to Singapore, else poor 'her dad'... My mallu babes - Dubai settled boss! They WILL come! My sweetest, quietest advertising chica, she will come to hell with me, what's Vegas?

3. A Black Hummer H2 - Damn! what a hottie! Yes that mighty black 4-wheel! I have loved it ever since I first saw it. Also, I eventually want to own a fleet of hummers and have drivers drive them around for desert safaris at Dubai! (Aaha! what a life that would be!) And yes, this one will sure take time!)

4. Meditate at the Osho Ashram - If home is where the heart is, then Poona no doubt is home for me. I spent the 6 best years of my life in Poona and 1 thing I did not, or rather could not, do was spend time at the Osho Ashram. I want to be a part of this cult and experience what it is like to lead an Osho life. It is definitely beyond wearing maroon chogas!

What wants?

Ok, so a point to note right now would be - This is my 'wordly' wishlist. Whether achieving salvation is in my wishlist or not is completely confidential information. So if you read my blog and stamp me as - Material girl from a material world - Too bad. You don't know me.

So what will my blog look like? I will have in here all my wants - Anything and everything I want to do. Be it where I want to go, what I want to accomplish, what I want to buy or even what I want to read!