Trivial and still consuming.

I reached home last evening at about 7. Just as I stepped outta the car, NB called up. We hadn't caught up in a long long time. The last time we spoke to our heart's content was day before yesterday. We spoke for 57 minutes when my mom began her usual screeching - 

Mom to me - "That's why you have those headaches! you are stuck to you damn phone all day!" (Ma! puhleez! I go to work!) 

Mom to me - "You will get a freakin hunch back and also those cardio vascular diseases associated with long use of cell phones!" (Mom, like really! Just the other day you said my bones would melt if I had Pepsi! gimme a break, I ain't dying so fast!)

Mom to dad: "She is supposed to freshen up and sit with her books and study! And you, Mister! Don't YOU have an exam in Feb? Like father, like daughter - no focus in life only big aims thats all....blah....blah....God save the world!" By this time we have mentally muted and unmuted her a few times.

Anyway. coming back to me and NB, we spoke of getting Lesbian visas and sex change, we spoke of the sudden deluge of men in life and how they all come with 25 stones of weight which we can't and won't carry. Dinner was all those yum things (Oriya food was dinner last night) I wonder how mum manages churning such tasty food day after day and has so much variety to offer!

I tucked myself in at about 2230 and read a few short stories. Layla and Majnun takes the cake. It ain't the story of helpless, mad love but the story where Layla performs her duties as a devout wife, dies a natural death (cardiac arrest) and breathes the name of Majnun while she dies. I was happy. I never read of Layla and Majnun since I thought of it as a mad love love-story. I hate hopeless love stories which bleed with emotions. They give me jitters!

I slept a peaceful, undisturbed sleep after so so long. (It has nothing to do with the short story :D ) I did not wake up even once all night. Life is this satisfaction of having nothing special and so the lack of fear of losing that something.

2008 in a nutshell

Okay, so here comes the customary blog post summing up my entire year, since it is the last week of December 2008! (Follows chronological order)

Jan – Got promoted to Account Associate

Jan-Feb-March – Quality team and all headache that it brought along. Those sleepless nights! 

April – Breathe easy. Big decision. To resign my well paid, forward looking job at Google. 

May – Gold Award (A recognition award of sorts at Google) Finally!

June – Resigned. And partied out every single night. Caught up with friends and could not wait to head home after 8 long years of self-dependence.

July – last working day at Google on July 3. It was the end of an era. The end of a beautiful life, of knowing truly amazing people, go getters, achievers, leaders. I made friends for life while at Google. What I am today has vivid fragments of those extremely important people.

And lot of other adventures – Missed trains and 4 extended days of stay at Hyderabad. Now I look back and think I would trade anything for those 4 days again!

August – Relaxed at home and got pampered. Something that should have been – ‘Studied hard for GMAT’. Never mind. 

Met Sebin.

September – Screwed up GMAT and found a decent job. Started working, did some phenomenal work in a week’s time.

Met (came to know, discovered - whatever the word it) randomer.

October – Moved apartments and started welcoming guests. Aunts then cousins then sister and her in-laws... mum paid a short visit of 3 days at the hospital with food-poisoning.

November – Met randomer in a random vacation. Had a vacation to remember.

Exercised my most important right. Voted to elect the leader of my nation.

December – Frustration over job dissatisfaction. Sister visited. Career seemed in doldrums. Looked back at the year with agony as one of the most fruitless years of my life. Overload of men/griddles. Spoke to randomer and reached a logical conclusion.

 

Other Highlights:

Started blogging vigorously!

Cams and Piyu decide to get married (not to each other! But to their respective whoevers.)

Budds and me bond after a painfully low tide in our friendship.

Shilpa goes through days and nights of endless crying and so I go through endless agony. Obviously.

Ek chhoti si love story happened.

GMAT fucked and repentance happened.

Made 2 great friends in this Godforsaken town – Sebbie and J.A Wonder how I would survive without them.

Mom figured out about some of my vices and handled it like no one else. I love her.

Learnt almost everything that there is to learn – about bad leadership and poor management!

Went to Poona and played UNO like a maniac. Got hooked to it and got some people hooked.

Some crazy book shopping done this year! And footwear too.

Odd jobs and fascination builds, assumes crazy proportions and continues to reign my life. . .

* I am sure the rest is all too inconsequential since I can't think of them right now. This is a good exercise - summing up your year. Whatever you remember the best are the things that probably matter to you the most. 

Happy New Year Peeps!

The jet-setting Sundays

and weekends pass ever so swiftly... sigh! 

Yeah, I have a 6 day week at work and it is only Sunday that constitutes weekend for me. Sunday is the most awaited day of the week and the most fruitless. I have a whole bunch of things planned to be done on Sunday but all I do on that day is procrastinate. I usually end up chit-chatting with Mom and lazing around, not doing much. 

I have been planning to begin my preps on the 'coming Sunday' for the last 2 months. I haven't done that. I am supposed to spend more time exercising on Sunday and to catch up on all my reading. I am supposed to go to the salon on Sunday and get pampered a bit. I had to take my mum to the clinic for her regular check-up and I lazed to do that too. And yes, the dreaded dentist appointment... that's history too! I had to update my mom's iPod, get some photographs framed, clean my closet and some super simple tasks like paying my bills online! 

I haven't done any of these. Instead, I spent all the time sitting in my balcony, thinking, answering phone calls if people called up and wondering why beautiful things fade so fast. I spent the entire Sunday defining 'perfect' and seeing how much gap exists between what is 'real' and what is 'perfect.'

Now, there is not much you can do when you miss the active, go-getter you that you have been. I plan to find myself back this coming Sunday... 

I want...

...to float across a river on wooden logs!

to collect Zippo lighters ... BADLYYYY!

some motivation to kick start preps :( 

to go buy a nice book shelf and the entire book-exhibition at Bittan market.

to feel Christmas in me... yeah, I am still dealing with it :( 

Read only if you are ready for some heavy dope!

Read this only and only if you have enough time and you are ready for some more ponderables in your already complex life! 

 

I was re-reading Sartre's Being and Nothingness. Just thought I'd punch a few views here and give some people some food for thought.  

1. Choice represents a limit on freedom within an otherwise unbridled range of thoughts. Subsequently, humans seek to flee our anguish through action-oriented constructs such as escapes, visualizations or visions (dreams) designed to lead us toward some meaningful end, such as necessity, destiny, determinism (God), etc. Thus, in living our lives, we often become unconscious actors — Bourgeois, Feminist, Worker, Party Member, Frenchman, Canadian or American — each doing as we must to fulfill our chosen characters' destinies.

2. Many relationships are created by people's attraction not to another person but rather how that person makes them feel about themselves by how they look at them. This is a state of emotional alienation whereby a person avoids experiencing their subjectivity by identifying themselves with "the look" of the other. "The look" of the other found the person's own being. The consequence is conflict. In order to keep the persons own being the person must control the other but must control the freedom of the other "as freedom". These relationships are a profound manifestation of "bad faith" as the for-itself is replaced with the others freedom. The purpose of the participants is not to exist but to keep the other participant looking at them. This system is often mistakenly called love but is in fact nothing more than emotional alienation and a denial of freedom through conflict with the other. 

(I have read this book twice and it has helped me detach myself in a somewhat escapist way. Though against my school of thought, it has helped me gain perspective. It has helped me affirm my own views by discarding the philosophy. I would recommend it if you are ready for some serious reading and microspection.)

The quintessential question

Buds taggged Sree and the one thing that crosses Sree's mind (and the minds of most 23 and above Indian girls) deserves to be addressed on my blog! She says - 

"What's the fixation with marriage and right age vs marriage and right person?"

Exactly! In fact I think it is more like a fixation with "marriage at the right age with the right person"

No, just think about this - how much burden it is, to find the right person at the right time and do the maybe right or not-so-right thing with him/her - that is get married! 

And the right time is also the right time to finish higher education, it is also the right time to save money, to travel, to give love to friends and family, it is the right time to do things to your heart's content and above all, the ONLY right time to discover who you are! Imagine fitting so many things into the same time-slot! What do you do with the rest of your life, damnit! Raise pigs?

And talking about the right person! Now, this is tricky! The definition of right person has changed so often in the past and has become so rigid now, that I have almost given up on finding the 'right' person. I have moved from finding the 'waiter at my college canteen' to 'the guy I spoke to for 3 mins 20 secs on my last drunken night' as being right for me. Beat that. Buds asked me what I want from my guy and I went to such fine details, it looked like I was getting a saree embroidered. She finally said I was unrealistic! If I tell what is it that I want in that 'right' person, you will take 4 seconds to tag me lesbian. So I won't even get there. 

Marriage - The last part of the drama! The time is right* and the boy is right*. Does anybody ever ask is the concept of marriage itself right? No, I am not a commitment phobic or a 'radical-for-the-sake-of-it' trying to doubt the credibility of an age old concept. My parents probably have the most beautiful wedded life in the world - 30 yrs of crazy mad love. And I am very sure I want it too. But that said, do you gamble with something so sacred/beautiful/dangerous and place it on the matrix of time and resources?

Well, I am glad I am faced with all this but in a superbly moderate way and I easily have a couple of years more to seek answers. Phew! 

* Definitions: 

Right time - Varies from 23 to 27 (based on whether you are Punjabi, South Indian, Bengali, Marwari etc.)

Right guy - Slightly more educated than the girl or at least equally well educated. Not too many unmarried siblings. A nice fat pay packet, decent looking (Parents consider moustache a plus point, if they are South Indians.) Again, the definition of right guy varies from region to region. Typically:

Northie - Own business, Owns a swank car and preferably a house of his own. Definitely parental property. 

Southie - "Hello. My name is Raj Shekhar. I am from REC Suratkal/IIT Bombay/IIM Bangalore/ISB/NUS/Kelloggs. I am working for Oracle/Sun Micro systems/Wipro/Infy/Microsoft. I have an elder bro/sis (married, settled in the US) I have a green card/I'll be moving to the States in a couple of months."

And the age old concept of company t-shirt and laptop bag! (Yuck!!)

Disclamier - No offense to anyone here, just penned down the trends I have noticed! 

One wish and then it's all Sex and the City

Wish - Ride on a car/jeep roof, again. (We did it so often back then and I am dying to do it again!) 

Sex and the city  - They don't air it on TV anymore here in India. I was looking for episodes to watch online and I saw that loads of websites have these awesome quotes from the serial. Here are the ones which I always had loved - 

"Despite the fact that there are over eight million people on the island of Manhattan, there are times you still feel shipwrecked and alone. Times even the most resourceful survivor would feel the need to put a message in a bottle, or on an answering machine."

(I swear!)

"Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous."

(And those someones seize being that someone after the first date!)

"I will never be the woman with the perfect hair, who can wear white and not spill on it."

 (That's almost me talking!)

"That's the thing about needs. Sometimes when you get them met, you don't need them anymore. "

(Exactly! That's why the thrill of chasing!)

“When you're young, your whole life is about the pursuit of fun. Then, you grow up and learn to be cautious. You could break a bone or a heart. You look before you leap and sometimes you don't leap at all because there's not always someone there to catch you. And in life, there's no safety net. When did it stop being fun and start being scary?”

(When? When you finished tenth grade.)

"After all, things change, so do cities, people come into your life and they go. But it's comforting to know that the ones you love are always in your heart... and if you're very lucky, a plane ride away” 

(So damn true and I am so glad I am the luckier kinds!)

"Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies."

(Sounds familiar...nah?)

Higlights of the day...

Not like it warrants a blog post, but just felt like summing up my day... spotlight is on friends today (wondering when it isn't!)

1. Me and cams filled the final gap today. And our friendship now seems complete after 6 years. So damn happy! 

2. Me and Nidhi feeling revived love. Missing each other and feeling happy about us being us. 

3. Gale started blogging and she has started so well! 

4. I will meet Poornima in Feb! How cool is that!? :)

5. I have resolved something for the remaining days of 2008. Praying to God I can keep up to the resolve! 

I am happy and strong today. 

Thank you God for all the lovely people you have given me. 

When in jail, a good friend will bail you out. But a best friend will say - "Damn that was fun!"

I said to Nidhi trying to start a conversation - 

Chhote: Do you know that bad girls go to hell?

Bade: Bad girls go everywhere baby! ;-)

Now you know why I love her? She is the one who will push me to be bad and to live it up and she is the one who will pull me out of mess when I have been bad to my heart's content. It is only for her that I have the courage to go 'everywhere' because I know she is looking from somewhere, smiling and knowing she has to save me. 

Whoever said love is only a feeling is an idiot. Hadn't met Nidhi. Love is my bade. 

Mwaah budds. 

* In case you are that daft, Nidhi is bade and I am chote.

The Ultimate wish-list!

Damn Jinu's got the dope! People are usually in the quest for knowledge, they yearn to attain nirvana or are on the look out for soul mates. What keeps me terribly busy is the hunt for the right odd job! Hail Mr. Abigail whoever, who has written an entire book on 101 freakin odd jobs - what you need to do one and what do you get out of the job! Now, I have gone through the book with meticulous precision and these jobs have made it through the cut and a brief line about what it is and what's exciting about the job - 

1. Crossing guard - Help school kids and people cross roads on busy streets. Bright Orange vest and the STOP sign. 

2. Bike messenger - Deliver letters and packages. Beijing/Buenos Aires are the places where they are popular. And cycling across the town!!

3. Yard work - Weed, plant, prune, dig, rake, mow, shovel. Isn't that exciting enough?

4. Windshield washer - Clean windshields of cars - Always dreamed of doing this. I love cleaning glass!

5. Human Statue - Stand motionless on streets and look like a statue - Paint myself silver and stand still and observe people. How cool is that!

6. Fire lookout - Stand perched on a tower and look for forest/wild fire - Imagine, stand at a serene place and look for something that will probably never happen!

7. Human scarecrow - Scare off birds from farms - Go to a quaint farm in countryside Europe and chase off little birds. That's life. 

8. Kibbutz - Work alongside Israeli farmers - Israel is the key

9. Snow maker - Make artificial snow at ski resorts - Monotony of the work...!

10. Shell picking - Pick shells on shores - Pretty much an expert and always cried when parents dragged me to go back home. And doing this at Kauai, Hawaii is like dream come true! 

It has been forecast by many that I will suffer from very early midlife crisis and will suffer from a bad one at that. So I am preparing myself for the bad times well en avance! 

There are some more odd jobs that I want to do, which unfortunately do not feature in the book.

1. Scrape paints off walls - Yeah, I know you knew I like this!

2. Florist - Small sharp knife to remove thorns from roses. Beauty! 

3. Truck driver - My hands hurt when I serve food. Delicate wrists. But I will make truck driving come true. 

4. Porter with a moving company - Those people who lug your luggage to your top floor? That'll be me.

5. Phone wire repairs - Land line conked off? I will fix it with those little testers and wires and small instruments.

6. Tent erector - I will erect tents at adventure sport destinations or even at a circus for that matter. Those thick ropes are such a thrill! 

7. Camel caravan nomad - Move with 100 other people with colorful clothes and camels. I will pose for American tourists in Rajasthan and make money! 

8. Motel/strip club Bar tender - Yeah, mix drinks for happy sad drunkards at highway motels or cheesy strip clubs. What fun to be on the other side!

Can't wait to get started! 

Christmas...really?

...and I don't feel like it's Christmas time! :( 

Seb's invited me over to his place for some cake and wine. I am totally looking forward to it, not only because I want to feel Christmas in me, but also because it's been ages since I've seen the boy! Oh how I hate his exams! :|

This place has no sidewalks decorated with red and white, no Christmas trees and no loud preps weeks before the C-day. There won't be Christmas caps and there is no secret santa. This is the first time there is no Christmas party, drinking and dancing for me. The only thing which tells me it is Christmas time is my running nose. Yes, I invariably have a bad bad cold in the festival season!

You think Santa can make wishes come true? Santa, if you are reading this, then you know what to give me for Christmas, don't you? 

That's a pic of Glenfiddich and Hevelius.

[Seb and me were piss drunk on Glenfiddich and Hevelius when we got this pic clicked! :D ]

The little dictionary

• Stupid - is how I feel right now.
  
• Mean - is what some people are.
  
• Control - is that which I do not have.
  
• Drunk - is how I wish I was.
  
• Home - is where I do not want to be.
  
• Games - are the dumb things that people play.
  
• Hell - is where some people can go to. 
  
• Thunder - is what I am listening to right now.
  
• Hope - is all that we are all left with.
  

Tagged Again!

Ok Prabhu's second tag! (Do not mistaken it for God, that's my friend - Poornima Prabhu! heehee) And you should just see how many people answer her tags! 

The tag starts as: 

Ten things you could say to people right now: 

1. Please empty my room! I NEED MY space!

2. Things will be fine. I am praying for you. Hugs. 

3. I am firing my entire team. I will hire smarter people!

4. Stop interfering with my travel plans. 

5. If you have a problem with my phone, it is YOUR problem!

6. Do you mind calling up?

7. Will we ever talk about anything that's not about you?

8. One last song?

9. I need my money! Do you even remember borrowing it?

10. Will you girls give more attention, please?

Nine things about yourself: 

1. I can bring the world down if anyone troubles my parents. 

2. I love reading and can live in a library - forever.

3. I smile almost always. 

4. I make friends very easily.

5. I CANNOT cry. No matter how sad.

6. I hate vegetable shopping!

7. I want to be a paint scrapper. That's all I want to be.

8. I can't live without my girls. They mean the world to me. 

9. I pose for the camera!! 

Eight ways to win your heart: 

1. Do not lie to me.

2. Talk to me about books and I'll be FLAT! 

3. No loud style. Subtle and classy is the way to be. 

4. An sms at the end of the day makes me happy!

5. Too much faff is a big no-no.

6. Coffee or wine? Coffee. 

7. Back-packer? I like you already! 

8. Laugh at silly Santa Banta jokes? Awesome! 

Seven things that cross your mind a lot ::

1. I want to run far far away and travel all alone to nondescript places. 
   
2. I want to scrape paint off walls
   
3. I wish people were simpler and straight forward.
   
4. When will I have my own library?
   
5. Will I ever get my dream B-School?
   
6. My Yoga instructor (I have replaced 'things' with 'people' here!)
   
7. I want to learn a sport... but when?
   

Six things you wish you never did

1. Moved back to live with family. 
   
2. Placed others before me. 
   
3. Screwed GMAT in the first attempt.
   
4. That’s all I can think of! I’ve never regretted things in my life, so it’s too tough to fill this space!
   

Five turn offs (This should have been ten instead of 5 :P)

1. Incorrect grammar
   
2. Bad breath
   
3. Shoes without socks
   
4. Faff/bad listeners/Let's-talk-about-me-alone.
   
5. I'm-too-cool-for-you attitude/low self-esteem/I-have-all-the-problems-in-the-world
   

4 turn ons

1.  Avid readers
   
2. Head-listener rather than a heart-listener. (more practical than emotional. That does NOT translate into heart-of-stone mind you!)
   
3. Extremely Career oriented.
   
4. Presence without being loud (loud clothes, conversation etc.)
   

3 things you want to do before you die

1. Go back-packing. 
   
2. Be a paint-scrapper/lawn mower/tent erector/ by profession. (Essentially earn a living doing odd jobs.)
   
3. Ace a sport (Not Golf. May be soccer.)
   

2 things someone told you, you'd never forget

1. You are the best daughter in the world. :)
   
2. Do not let that smile go. It's your smile that keeps me going. :) 
   
3. (Thank you for that question tagger. I am feeling great!)
   

1 confession

Can't think of any, damn it! I will surely edit this space when I have one to make. 

Ok tagging Gale and Nidhib! 

Tagged!

So Poornima tagged me a while ago and I have been procrastinating since forever. The tage goes like this: 

"I give you random - human traits, situations, values, virtues, vices etc. You have to say how far or how closely you are associated with them and an incident that relates to it (duh! which features you, necessarily)."

So there is a whole bunch of emotions here that I will tell you how closely I am related to. I will skip giving examples since I am just too lazy to think! 

1. Laughter - Ok so people directly relate me to laughter. The first thing people notice about me is my smile and the second thing they notice is the crazy, uncontrollable, at-the-wrong-time laughter! I am a very very happy person in general, and even at tough times I just manage finding things worth a good laugh (In the form of Chuck Norris or Santa-Banta jokes!) 

2. Embarrasement - Hardly ever have I been embarrassed, I am damn good at laughing at myself, but ya, those mornings after crazy drunken nights surely warrant some form of embarrasement - especially if I have gone crazy dancing and/or jumping fences/tables etc! Oh btw, I DO NOT believe in embarassing people at all! I notice you farting in my car - I won't acknowledge it. :)

3. Truth - That's me. All truth, zero pretence. Love me or leave me, this is how I am. Won't ever lie or pretend to make someone happy. That's why some people think of me as rude or tactless. Ya, I might lie to save someone of hurt, especially if the matter is too trivial and the person too touchy. 

4. Lies - As I said, to save you of hurt if it isn't a grave topic, I might dilute facts a bit ;-) 

5. Loneliness - what's that? I can make friends faster than you can type! And I am never lonely when alone. I love my own company and in fact prefer being by myself the most! Yes, I do get lonely when my books or iPod go missing! 

6. Pride - I am damn proud of who I am, to where I belong and of whatever little I have. Would never trade this me for anything else or to be anyone else!

7. Forgiveness - The only mantra of my mom's life - Forgive and forget. I am trying damn hard to emulate that. 

8. Hypocrisy - Everyone says - 'I hate hypocrites' So do I. But an honest confession - My best friend called me a hypocrite. I introspected so hard that I almost lost all appetite those days but could never make out why she called me one. Now I don't know if the situation warrants 'forgiveness' since she called me something so bad and that which I am not. I am not sure. But I have chosen to let go of the thing. And I want to know if it is as good as 'forgiving' someone. And do best friends ever forgive each other for mistakes? Aren't we supposed to accept and not get into the forgiveness game?

My best friend is going through hell and the only way I can keep my mind off all the mess is by scribbling on my blog. And since I can't write about what he is going through, I will write about my vacation plans for 2009. 

My first list does not seem too long and I will cover the places based on what season it is and of course company availability at that time. Yes - I will look for company while I travel but if I can't convince anyone to travel with me, then I am very much out on my own (plus iPod and Books, of course!) I plan to cover the typical:

Beaches - This will hog most of the annual plan since I am a huge beach fan! The idea is to do a few crowded beaches (read Anjuna) and a few quaint beaches (Malvan maybe?) 

Jungle Resorts - Corbett, Kanha and Sunderban top the list. Of course will add more as I explore. 

Hills/Mountains/Valleys - Definitely Wayanad and Coonoor. 

I am happy with my list! Not too long and just enough to keep me happy! Looks completely do-able and gives me time to first finish GMAT!

Anjuna - Goa

Malvan - Maharashtra

Corbett - Uttaranchal 

Sunderban - West Bengal

Kanha - Madhya Pradesh

Wayanad - Kerala

Coonoor - Tamilnadu

Darjeeling - West Bengal

Khajjiar - Himachal Pradesh

Quite obviously, I am gonna post a new post here well before I plan to take off to one of these places, in case anyone wants to join me! 

* Please excuse me for the bad quality of websites (links on destinations.) But these websites have the best information ever! Also, do leave a comment if you have been to any superb place in India, which might be non-descript and you think one should visit! 

If there's a God above!

Talking about wishes... I went to Ujjain yesterday. The land of Gods. (Shiva to be precise.) No, going to Ujjain wasn't a part of the wishlist. But asking God to make a wish come true surely was! I had never asked of something to God ever, as such. I mean I did, but in the most casual ways ever. Never nagged him in my morning prayers. Not that I don't trust if God can make things come true - but I was never too convinced. For ex., I did go to the temple asking for good scores before exams but when results appeared - good or bad - they were the exact reflection of my efforts. 

Yesterday, I had this one problem while I was praying though - I din't know what language to pray in. I tried Telugu and Hindi, but the words just did not come out fine. I could not express myself. Before I realized, I had slipped to praying in English and I was doing just fine when this fear rose in me - Would he get it? It's not our language after all. In the end I convinced myself that as long as he says - "May all your wishes come true" it's all good! 

So I prayed to God for something that I cannot do anything about. I asked God to help me read the signs and give me the courage to follow my heart. I asked God to help me figure out what exactly is it that I want. Though I kept thinking through out my way that I would ask God to make my wish come true, I ended up asking God to do that which he thinks is right and help me live with it. 

I am hoping God can read my blog since he is ominpresent! God, I hope you remember me as the girl who never ever nagged you with wishes and never ever blamed you when things din't go my way. God, this is the one time I feel completely lost and helpless with the situation I am in. In case you are reading my blog (it is aptly named 'what Jinu wants') please only pay attention to this post. I will take care of everything else God, just help me deal with confusion. 

(Believing in God is a part of my New Year resolution - I am starting a little early!)

Love fuels.

This is the last para of a beautiful blog post - 

* The 'he' is the author's husband Chris.

"It isn’t an extraordinary story.  We aren’t extraordinary people.  We haven’t experienced extraordinary things.  But I know that he loves me and that I love him and that nothing in my life would be possible if it weren’t for him standing next to me.  Sometimes when we’re cuddled up in our pjs and socks and surrounded by our dogs and everything is perfect I ask him why he loves me.  He never has an answer.  He always says, “I don’t know.  I just do.”  I used to give him a hard time.  What a lame answer to such an important question.  But when I think about it, there is really no other possible answer to that question.  I don’t know why we love eachother.  I don’t know why I laugh in the middle of yelling when we are fighting.  I don’t know why when I pull into my driveway at night and see Chris’ car parked I still feel those same butterflies I felt in high school and his blue Mustang pulled up in front of my house."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is Chris's comment on the post: 

"Well from all that talk it sounds like your a pretty lucky lady… 

I can’t believe we are still going, but I couldn’t think of anyone that is more fun to share each and every day with. I wouldn’t give you up for the world. I love you more everyday.

….now if I could just convince you to channel all of this love into something productive like doing the dishes…. Hmmm….. i need to work on that…"

This is the link to the blog: http://marriageconfessions.wordpress.com/2008/12/05/the-greatest-little-love-story-ever-told/

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Why am I blatantly copying? 

Because the blog post is beautiful and lot of people can get 'awww!' and 'puppy-like' on reading this. It might prompt some people to pick up their phone and call their loved one they fought with. It might prompt some people to go to the next room and kiss their partner. It might prompt some people to pick up their love from work this evening. It might prompt some people to book a cozy table for 2 at their high-school cafe. It might prompt some people to confess love to someone and start a brand new love-story. 

Plagiarism? It's worth it. 

My life in 12 steps.

Ok, so it looks like I am blogging too much! But never mind, I saw it coming with none of my friends around me :( 

It's been 5 goddamn months since I am home! Yes, FIVE freakin months! After being a nomad for EIGHT long years, it is just crazy to "settle down". Much as I love my parents, it is completely beyond me to 'come home' to them now. I know I am going to have to do this for the next 1 year - easily! Aarrrghh! The system and order seem to be strangulating me. My life: 

1. Wake up with the 'ting-tong' doorbell. 

2. Go downstairs, have tea. 

3. Mum will talk and I wont know what she is saying. I will randomly get up and go back up to my room

4. Freshen up - shower etc.

5. Go downstairs, have breakfast

6. Sit in the car, go to work.

7. Attend fruitless meetings, try to work, wait for day end. 

8. Reach home, mum will talk and I wont know what she is saying. I will randomly get up and go back up to my room

9. Freshen up - shower, night clothes etc. 

10. Go downstairs, have dinner

11. Go back to my room, stare at my cell-fone, read 3 pages of some book.

12. Sleep. 

13. Back to No. 1. 

There is no socializing, except for a few random evenings with Seb (the most sought after time of the week - when I scream and behave idiotic with no one to judge.) There is no random traveling to Pondicherry, Lonavla, Bangalore. There are no late night movies, there is no crazy dancing and there are no cozy private dinners with Amu. There are no deadlines and no running for meetings. There are no off sites and stupid team games. There is no -1. 

I traveled thrice in 5 months - 

1. Delhi - Conference. (Flew in the morning, flew back in the night.)

2. Hyderabad - GMAT (Frustration, did not meet anyone.)

3. Hyderabad - Met randomer (Came back all confused and still dealing with it :| )

I can easily do with - 

A run-of-the-mill job.

3 hrs of sleep.

Loads of travel.

-out parents around. 

Peeps, pray! 

Yeah, it is always only words for me!

Just a few verses from here and there... Punched them in because I liked them at one point or the other! Guess the songs, it should be fun!

But the suns been quite kind while I wrote this song
Its for people like you that keep it turned on

If I were a boy

I would turn off my phone
Tell everyone its broken
So they think
that I was sleeping alone

Think I've mistaken you for somebody else

Somebody who gave a damn

Somebody more like myself

But love is not a victory march 

it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah 

it's not a cry that you hear at night 

it's not somebody who's seen the light 

it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah 

It's like meeting the man of your dreams

... and meeting his beautiful wife! 

And if you want to leave, I can guarantee you won't find nobody else like me! 

I am singing, follow me! 

Now it seems to me, some fine things
Have been laid upon your table
But you only want the ones that you cant get

Desperado, why dont you come to your senses? 
Come down from your fences, open the gate
It may be rainin, but theres a rainbow above you
You better let somebody love you, before its too late...!

New Year resolution!!

Ok I am sure I am the last one to think of New Year's resolutions in the world, with 2009 just around the corner! That said, since this is the first ever time in 23 years I have thought of New years resolution, I am so excited! And there is no way I won't have them up on my blog. I have some serious ones and some atypical but extremely important ones. Here I go! 

1. Put myself first - Whatever it takes. 

2. Accept my shortcomings - So far I have been accepting the awesome side of me and nurturing it like crazy. It is time I faced the truth that there are certain not so nice things about me. It is time I realized that me and my people HAVE to live with it, until I learn how to get over them. So, the world's going to see a slightly different me. I will stop concealing the not-so-nice things and in fact will be myself.  If you do not like something about me - Deal with it! 

3. Do what my heart says - Jinu, the epitome of practicality, the 'matter-of-fact' queen has now decided to listen to her heart's calling. Not like - go to Timbaktuu types. But, if I want to take a half day, I will take a half day. If I want to call everyone on my phone book, I will call them up. I will stop calculating too much. 

4. Manage time - This is parents inspired. I have faced reality. Time management is NOT multi tasking at office! But time management is going to office and still having a life of your own. This includes: 

a. Going to the gym in the morning. 

b. Driving daddy down to office - and not vice-versa

c. Not being lazy for Yoga class on Sunday. 

d. Spending solid 2 hours with GMAT Prep. 

e. Reading more than just 10 pages at night. 

5. Have more faith in God. 

Damn, 2009 seems like a tough one! 

My favorite song?

This is one question I am asked every now and then by so many people..! (Filler question, I think!)

And I always give new answers! BUT, I just realized there is this one song I love the most and never manage telling anyone, because I end up thinking of Nickelback or Lifehouse or something :|

'Your Song' By Elton John is that one song which melts me each time I hear it. And it has been so since I first heard it. So I think it totally deserves a place in my blog. 

 :) 

Mr. T on my blog - with Chuck around, I don't want to be pitied!

Ok I feel criminal talking about Chuck Norris and NOT talking about Mr. T! In fact I started the mad journey with Mr. T. Mr. T is that WWF guy with a Mohawk! These are some of my favorite Mr. T one liners! Yeah, he is the guy who said "I Pity the fool" for Sylvester Stallone in Rambo 3!  1. Mr. T took Mother Nature from behind. We refer to the event as the Big Bang. 2. If you rearrange the letters in Mr. T, he'll fucking break you. 3. Gravity dosen't exist. Mr. T just pities everything to stay the fuck down. Birds and planes are exempt beacuse they are shaped like Ts. 4. Mr. T and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants. 5. Mr. T is so scary that his hair is actually afraid to grow. The only reason he has a mohawk is because it's in his blind spot. 6. Rocky III was a groundbreaking film. It took 135 special effects artists 13 months to make it seem like Rocky won the second fight to Mr. T. 7. Mr. T invented the X-Ray, the G-String, the R-Rating and Jay-Z after a late-night drunken bender caused him to momentarily forget which letter he was. 8. Mr. T can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved. 9. Rome wasn't built in a day. But if Mr. T had assisted, it sure as hell would've been. 10. Each capsule of Viagra contains one drop of Mr. T's sweat.

...and I learn some more!

The best thing about each new day is that there is so much to learn and the best thing about learning is that it never stops. It is probably the most continuous process ever. I have learned so much in the last 24 hours that its mad. I can't or won't give context here... this is a blog after all, not a book! But ya, if there is some context you need just to understand something, write to me. :)

1. For every 60 pages of a girl's emotions, there is only 1 page of a guy's emotions that you can get. The most emotional guy can give you probably 5 pages for every 60. But that's it. 

2. Saying the same thing again and again to a guy does not help you to drive a point home, but instead drains him out beyond repair. For instance - "I Understand" said once will tell the guy that you understand. But "I understand" being said 30 times means - "Shut up! I don't think you do! Just leave me alone!"

3. Girls across the globe have wondered if guys like dumb girls or super smart, self sufficient girls. The answer: 

With them, the girl should be a little dumb. So that the guy feels he is 'in control'. BUT while in his social circle and with money matters, the girl should be as smart as she can get. Upright and in full control of herself. (Almost unanimous conclusion after extensive discussions with hundreds of girls. So if any guy disagrees, he is in denial and if a girl disagrees, she should feel exceptional!)

4. Everyone adjusts - sooner or later. Everyone adjusts - with someone or the other. 

Some people adjust WAY later with stupid people. That's part of life. 

5. Some business gyaan - A new concept without much muscle or money to back it up is extremely vulnerable in a booming economy. Whereas, when there is a slow down, it is the best time for a 'content-rich and financially-poor' concept to build up and gain momentum, fix those problems and be ready to look for funding when the hibernation is nearing an end. 

6. Ideators can always be only 1, 2 or at max 3 for each new concept. 'Too many cooks spoil the broth' is the most appropriate in this situation. If you have too many people trying to tweak the initial idea, there will be just too many ideas not blending and people who will only feel the distance between them grow. After a while, it will become an ego fight than become a ideation discussion. 

Well.. there's a lot more but I think this much is good enough for a blog! 

Chuck Norris - For all mortals...

And you don't know who Chuck Norris is? That already warrants a law suit against you. This is your last chance to redemption. So read this properly! 

Chuck Norris is an American Martial Artist born on March 10, 1940 and known for his rough and tough image in movies like Texas ranger. So after the Vin Diesel fact Generator series (Assuming you know this at least!) people churned out Chuck Norris facts, which are as absurd as absurd can get. They are immensely popular and here are some of my all time favs! 

• If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
  
• There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
  
• Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
  
• Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
  
• Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
  
• Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
  
• Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird
  
• Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
  
• There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
  
• Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
  
• Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
  
• When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
  
• Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
  
• Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.

HAIL CHUCK NORRIS! 

Tell me of a corporate honcho who took GMAT :D

Just what I needed to read - 

PaGalGuy working its magic - "Brad Pitt never took GMAT. So, GMAT is not the end of the world" 

PaGalGuy out there when you need pagal gals and guys to pep you up! (Free promotion on my blog - I should be paid for it damnit!) 

Add like mad - Fun game!

When Linkin Park sang...

I watch how the moon sits in the sky 
On a dark night shining with the light from the sun 
The sun doesn't give light to the moon 
Assuming the moon's going to owe it one 
It makes me think of how you act to me 
You do favors and then rapidly 
You just turn around and start asking me about 
Things you want back from me

Linkin Park said this in the track 'A place for my head'. 

I was thinking to myself... If the Sun did in fact one day say to the moon that the moon owes moon light to the sun, what does the moon have to give back? Answers anyone? Post comments, I will look forward to an answer. 

It really isn't that bad!

God really has his ways of making you feel better! I was going through the frustration of 'Jinu proposes, mummy disposes'. I had grand plans of spending a few hours with books and kick starting GMAT Prep this weekend. But as you would have already guessed - my mum had something else on her mind. She wanted to go shopping! Yes - so bloody predictable. With my sister's arrival around the corner (with in-laws and stuff! :O ) and being a south-Indian family - we went saree shopping for the 'guests.' We entered these stores with such pretty clothes and through out our way I kept seeing these beautiful shoes - like a kid who looks longingly at ice cream parlors but does not ask his parents for it since he knows they will say a no. And then my dad decides to be the good dad and buys me a pretty corduroy winter coat and lovely leather boots. And I was all smiles!! 

So, I came back home and thought it was time to sleep. Just then I felt I should watch a movie! And there I go - I started watching 'Love Actually.' No particular reason - I remember seeing it while at Google and melting at a few scenes. So thought it's a zero-risk movie. I would not repent having watched it again. And that's when I get a call from a 'not-so-close' but a nice friend of mine. We got talking and I said how frustrated I was, how I so badly want to do an MBA and make big buck but the entire process is so long and tiring that somehow I have no energy to get started etc etc. (If you are one of those who speak to me at least once a week, you would very well know the crib story!) Anyway, so he suddenly says something that I am taken aback and pleasantly surprised at the same time - 

"It's ok if you don't feel upto it. I will do the MBA and we'll get married. Then you can have all the money and do anything you want to! " followed by a "Fine?"

Anyone reading this would get a feeling that I was being hinted at, but I know him well enough. He did not mean a word, but just meant - it's ok, we'll deal with it! 

But the thought stayed on my mind. Imagine someone actually doing that for you! In all honesty, the me otherwise would be so put off to hear this. I would typically go - "What? are you insisting I get married to some rich bum and become a kitty-party babe? Excuse me, I am not cut out for all that!" But all I said was - "Ya..! that sounds like a plan!"

I had a good think over the episode and I figured out, that just the fact that someone said it is fine to not do anything  - was amazing! I mean it is not criminal to not do it and that something or the other can be figured out!

Did I make sense? Or did I? All in all, happy feelings. :)