Incredible India

So as I said some people inspire us to write about somethings. Gale inspired me to write about India with her post about the Spanish guy who has her dream job sings a Hindi song for her. 

I have been thinking of SOOO many things that I would write once I actually start writing, but I am finding this task so daunting. Really, a blogpost can't ever do justice to the myriad things this country has to offer. Please note this is not to glorify the country but to state facts the way they are - the good things are great and the bad things are horrible. 

And that is where the beauty lies. We never have a dull day in India. 

I don't think I can go writing endless prose so I will just list highlights in contrast. Go Google them to learn more - 

Solitude and aroma therapy to Beer and hip-hop

Pashmina to Khadi

Vada-pav to Idli Sambar and momos to Dhokla

Jet airways to Garib Rath

Mother Teresa to Ramalinga Raju

Bollywood to underworld

We do not easily break marriages. We persevere and when we do break them, we do not need therapists. We have a strong family system for shock absorption. 

Our children stay with parents until the kids have grand children. 

Auto rickshaw wala will dupe you for 5 extra bucks and will take you 20 miles for free when you have forgotten your wallet at home. 

We go to the west to make money and we form an Indian community there where you will get sambar powder and garam masala. 

We have abundant sunshine and we do not need tanning salons. We are obsessed with Shahnaz Hussain's fairness creams! 

South-Indians can't speak Hindi without the accent and North-Indians can't differentiate between the the 4 south-indian states. They will bitch about each other and will fight with families for an inter-caste marriage. 

Fair girls will color their hair blonde, the dusky ones will wear brown lipstick. They can both sport short skirts and sarees with equal grace. They will sizzle in parties and in pujas. 

Guys in India will use fairness creams and will hate to be called metro sexual. They think its gay. They will wax their chest and will glare at you to see a pink razor in the girl's bathroom. 

We speak a million languages and dialects. Students in Pune were seen dancing on a telugu soundtrack for well over a year. Now I call this mindlessly beautiful integrity. 

We have huge scams - Fodder, arms, share market and off late IT. Millions of rupees have gone donno where. Laws are archaic and judiciary system is slow. Cops are lazy and we have a new trend of citizen jornalists who now bitch with a vengeance. 

Your friend will go to Kanha and see 5 tigers. You will go and see deers only. If you started at an unauspicious timing - you will see dogs only. 

You will be happy eating at Delhi haat and the next thing you know someone pinched you on your butt. You will be seeing beautiful paintings at an exhibition and will realize the centre piece is of a French artist, which is not half as great but is there because he is French. We are obsessed with firangs. 

Oil prices will kill us but we won't use public transport. When we do, we are not saving fuel but just saving time. Indian middle class still puts money in National Saving Certificates while Mallya buys islands after islands. Pepsi will sell us nimbu pani (yes, its the latest news) We anyway already sell Cobra beer to the Irish.

Finally a girl's perspective as to why we almost never want to marry a non-Indian. Because we have awesome guys here. We do not need to look elsewhere! 

A North-Indian boy - Extremely good looking 8 times out of 10 a disaster when he speaks. But he is just so good looking you don't care how he sounds. 

A south-Indian boy - Company t-shirt, laptop, beer belly. Not even remotely attractive. But when he talks, you just listen. He knows it all and is an awesome orator. Now you don't care how he looks. 

A westerner - Looks fine, talks fine, decently educated but will suddenly do one such thing (like talk loudly or belch after a meal) and you are put off. You go home and decide to ignore it. The package is great and you leave the belch behind. 

An eastern boy - Is either at IIT or almost an IAS officer. Or plays the guitar like a dream. Or knows Shakespere and Othello like they are his neigbors. You don't care now if he belches or looks like a mess. You will gladly go with him to the tea-estates or to the crowded streets of Calcutta. 

(Indian boys can now stop feeling happy. I might just be bitching about you in the next post!)

There is so much more to write but my common sense says people will now lose focus from here on. So I will break my love into different posts to retain reader's attention. 

Mwah to my stinky, sticky, corrupt, mad, colorful, tasty, hot, fairness-obsessed country.