(Not) Just another day in my life...

Funny things happen to me all the time.

Last evening was particularly weird. I had a laughter bout with my colleagues for about 15 minutes and I was in the highest of spirits after a really long time. Just while I decided to pack up and leave with a few of them for a drink and a bite, I had a stupid argument with another colleague. Totally ticked off I decided to go gulp it and call it a night not before the clock struck 12.

Still to take an auto, I heard from a client and had some work piled on me at 8 in the evening. We decided to split at about 10 so we could all go home and work some more. (Agencies are a mean, ruthless place to work for. A post will probably follow soon! ) We went all over Bandra looking for an open bar only to hear from an auto driver that it was a dry-day!! We have dry-days in India exactly when half the town is desperate for a drink. :|

With no motivation to eat, I decided to head home. I have a rather long journey back home from work. Non-peak hours take me a little more than an hour to get home. I waited at the bus-stop for what seemed like eternity. After 25 minutes of standing, bored of the 8GB music on my iPod I couldn’t wait to sit in the bus and catch a quick nap so I could get to work as soon as I reached.

Just as I took a seat in the bus somebody sat next to me and asked 'coming back from work?' I was taken aback and realized it was a psycho. Some doped out idiot spoke to me incessantly until I reached my stop. I did not speak a single line but he was hilarious! He told me his name, age, profession (or the lack of it) marital status, hobbies, family and what not. He sang a song to me about strangers since I wasn't talking to him and how he thought I wasn't talking because my mom said - Do not talk to strangers! He told me how he thinks Bombay is such a lonely place and how he will soon go to Dehradun!

He soon sickened out since I wouldn't talk to him. He then spoke to the bus driver, gave him a shoulder massage and started singing songs with the radio that was playing in the background. All in all a harmless but idiotic co-passenger. I swear if I were not that pissed off, I would have spoken to him at length and have had a nice time :P

Anyhow, I got home only to hear some snide remarks from my brother about how I loaf around the place. How I wish that was true! Super-irritated I skipped dinner and crashed only to have a series of nightmares.

So glad it’s a new morning now!

Reality Check

Let's face it. Every girl has a conversation with her chic friends about 'the dream boy.' And the answers are always quite idealistic. Typically there are 4 broad categories of answers-

'Ok he HAS to be fun, outgoing, shouldn't take things to seriously, and is chilled out.'

'Ok he HAS to be rich, I am so used to my fancy cars man… I can never do without them!'

Ok he should be a simple, intellectual, smiling face, pleasant guy.'

'Dude he's gotta be good looking man.. I want beautiful babies :P'

… and it goes on.

I have also given some crazy answers depending on what frame of mind I was in. In fact I gave different answers at bookshops, coffee shops, pubs, rock shows, office, home etc. Now that I am faced with a real life situation, I am stumped. I want a bit of everything I said and I want nothing of most things I said. I am doubting my own conviction of a lot of things. I have realized I don't know what is important for me.

If I were to define who I am, it won't be more than my credentials. Some deep dive and I see that I am nothing more than my past. A past that I never planned, never asked for. A past that I love and a past that I don't think could have been any other way. And today I am trying to predict my future based on my past. I am trying to create a future. I am convincing myself that I can be a little different from what I have so far been. But how true is that? I always said I want someone who lets me be who I am. But do I want to continue being who I am? What AM I anyway? If only I knew!

I wish everything was as easy as making friends. Where we start without inhibitions, expectations and pretence. Where there is no point to prove and there is no debate of right or wrong. Where we know the other person not by asking questions but by watching them.

And then there is the love. I think experiences are not such a great tool after all. Wonder where love fits in the mesh of practicality, companionship, dependence, independence and life in general. I think that zone where discomfort becomes a habit and comfort is taken for granted is called love.

… just when I was wondering whether or not to end this post and how, my iPod shuffles and brings me to this song -

Hold on to whatever you find baby, hold on to whatever will get you through… I don't trust myself with loving you...

Blah Blah Blah

There is this post I've been attempting to write since what seems like eternity. I edit it every single day and look for the right words - that never, just never come out. It's a good-bye post. It is to say goodbye to my lifeline for the last 8 years - as she takes off from India for good.

I can't ever express what she is to me and how Pune will never ever be the same for any of us 4. Though I will try and finish my draft post - it is unfair to write about her in the same post where I plan to rant about my life.

So ya 4 hrs of travel (standing, mind you) is not the thing I looked forward to in life. This 4 hour travel brings with it other restrictions like getting back by 10 in the night, zero social life and no time to spend the money I earn. The effort of traveling in locals is not worth the time and money I save. Stinking arm pits, women pushing/nudging/fighting, being thrown out of one train and into another etc is definitely not my thing.

Linking Rd looks beautiful since this is Diwali season.

I am eternally sleepy but I get not more than 5 - 6 hrs a day.

I need to buy a better phone which will let me type my posts etc on-the-go. Ive realized that moving buses with no place to stand tickle my blogger's streak.

The 'I-want-to-run-away' feeling is back. What sucks is I want some good (read: Psycho, mad) company to run away with. Sigh!

I hope I will have more and better stuff to write about soon. (I will, for the moment, skip bitching about a colleague I can't stand.)

Mumbai meri jaan

So here I am, in Bombay - after a 3 day vacation with the girls which cost me 1200 INR, all inclusive :)

A new job, a few new friends and just 1 expectation from the city, like I always have from every city I go to. I only expect the place to love me and give me a memorable time. And all places I've been to have given me more than I hoped. Bombay is going to be different.

People who know me, know that I am impulsive. I wake up at 2 in the night and make my friends visit me. I get out of office on a Tuesday afternoon and take the rest of the week off. I love mindlessly and I live mindlessly. I've always lived in my space which has quite literally been mine. Trying to tell me what I need to do is fruitless. I will do my own thing no matter what it takes. A free bird that you see on TV shows - was me for the last 9 years.

Now in a city like Bombay where you work hard and party harder, I stay in the other end of the town with my brother. I travel for 4 hours a day and I can't do late nights. I come back home to a noisy house with 2 kids. I have nothing against little children but they are just not my thing. I can't pack my bags and go to Hyd to see my best friend or even Poona for that matter to meet the girls. This 3-day weekend was one of the dullest I've had in years, with nowhere to go.

Don't ask me why I do not move out. Because I cannot. Cons of closely knit families. I feel guilty even as I type this post but it isnt my bad if I am way different from everybody else in my blood-ties. I can't live like this. But I am. That's life I guess.

(I had thought of a million other interesting things to write about but sometimes blogs get the worst of me... so this insipid personal-diary-ish stupid post. Excuse me if you were terribly bored or dozed off midway through.)