…and I've taken mine. Again.
I wonder if life is indeed this unpredictable or is it just me. I think it's just me. If I were to put a timestamp against last evening's events, I'd say I traveled from North pole to South Pole in a span of 30 mins - FLAT.
I moved from being complacent to irritated to happy to scared to insecure to i-don’t-care to I'm-done in a matter of 3 - 4 weeks. I know it looks damn unbecoming of a 24 yr old to go through all this on some important/practical aspects of life. I learnt that marriage is not like buying vegetables. If you do that, you indeed end up buying yourself a vegetable. If you want to buy something that's not a vegetable, then you can't buy it - because it is NOT a vegetable! If you end up (like me) being able to actually buy a diamond at the pretext of buying a vegetable, then you are wasting a gem. Do yourself a favor and let go.
I am not any more grown up after this saga but in fact I have come to terms with the fact that I am far from being grown up. Just as I learnt the meaning of Surreal a few months ago, I learnt the meaning of Commitment-Phobia yesterday. I chickened out exactly at the time when any other girl would be swept off her feet. I am scared of getting swept-off. I like being grounded. That's my comfort zone.
I feel the same way I felt twice (or maybe thrice) earlier in my life - Light. So light. And yet again, I know that only truth can get you peace. Mince words and you are fucked. Speak your heart out and people appreciate it. At least my friends did. They are shocked and relieved at the same time.
I think past, future, love, companionship and practicality are so overrated. I have made peace with my career plans, my instability of head and heart, my juvenile behavior at inappropriate times and who I am in general. Now life will take its own course.
They say 'Choose your own fate, else someone else will choose it for you.'
I choose to choose my own fate.
9 comments:
Hey.. from someone who's been there done that, yeh I let someone else choose my fate for me and look where it took me.
Glad that you chickened out. If you ain't sure, it's better to wait rather than just dive in.
So, take your time until you feel comfy with the whole idea and then decide. It's better to chicken out rather than to go half way through and then realize the folly.
All the best.
But on another note... I don't think the circumstances will lead to the same outcome. Laws of probability, mutually exclusive ;) So I take back my comment.
@J yes probability is right but i am more than happy to learn from your experiences...hope i can toast to myself just the way i toasted to u the other day! :)
:) Ofcourse you will. It's just a matter of time.
I could send you a list of alerts to lookout for, though. Or wait.. a post on this would be apt.. although i'd have to bring my stupidity out in the open.. uughh. Ok, let me see what I can come up with.
oh ok. i wish i could say that i knew you'd do this. but i didn't. :-) but i am glad you did what you felt like doing cos that is what is important at the end of the day. :-)
i have also realised very recently that maybe being in a hurry to seal the deal with anybody nice who comes along isn't the right idea. :D
eerr, so I drafted a post, then thought about it and thought about it a bit more. And I don't think i'm the right person for a discourse on such a subject :|
Sorry!
@J hahaha ok if thats what you think!
anyway send usual updates, u havent written in a while now!
No time. Maybe in a week... I think
Beautiful. I have nothing else to say. You'll always be my inspiration when it comes to some (a lot of) things.
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