Living, Learning, Loving.

How long does it take to fall in love?

 

A moment? A day? A month? No - it takes about 2 years.

 

What does it take to fall in love?

 

The first look? Drunkenness? The first brush of hands? No - It takes months of understanding and hard work.

 

I realized today that it will be 3 years since I've known NB. And I am effortlessly in love with her. And a bunch of other people. Eight of them to be precise. These are the 8 people with whom I have no blood ties and these are the 8 people who are the essence of my living. They all love me back equally or maybe more. These 8 people are my 8 best friends.

 

And when I say I love them, it is quite literally that. It is an ideal love affair with all 8 of them. It is effortless and easy. We give a lot to each other in terms of time and attention. We are physically present (as far as possible) when required, we spend nights over long phone calls counseling, helping, adoring each other.

 

With each of them I can sit quietly in a room all my life and not find the silence awkward. I can call them up at 2:00 am and when they ask "what happened?" I can say "Nothing." Yes, I do not have an ego debating whether I should call/sms/email them. I shout at them and fight with them over nothing. I am not anxious that I'll lose them. I have reached a stage where the love is there and it is established. Nothing can take it away. Then it does not matter how often they call up or if they think of me every minute. They need not call me or think of me often. They love me and I know it.

 

Why am I writing all this? I, like a lot of other people, thought I am not cut out for romantic love. Men don't last more than a few months in my life. I was convinced I am a difficult person to be with. (or too simple and straight forward for some people's liking!) But each time I think this way, I also think of those 8 people. I have invested a lot in those relations.

 

A lot of time and effort and even sleepless nights. We have had bickering fights and misunderstandings and hating certain traits about each other. But we stuck around. Mutually. And it took about 2 to 2.5 years with each one of them to reach this stage of security. I mean there was a lot of love within a couple of months but there was some fear with each argument and there was some effort in keeping the other person happy. The effort is still there, but the effort is painless. It is a part of me to make an effort to keep these people happy and make them feel loved. I willingly do it.

 

For the Nth time in my life, I am convinced - perseverance is all it takes to make a relationship last. Nobody is perfect for anyone. It is just the willingness to live and love the imperfections.